


And Into The Light

by lostinnowhereland



Series: Always Worth It [2]
Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Anorexia, Body Worship, Confusion, Criticism, Dirty Talk, Dunno how well I did, F/M, Fainting, Fans, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Heartache, I tried at least, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Interviews, Jealousy, Leaving Home, Long-Distance Relationship, Love, Love Triangles, Making Love, Medical Inaccuracies, Not Actually Unrequited Love, OT5 Friendship, Paparazzi, Past Relationship(s), Phone Sex, Requited Love, Rumors, Secret Relationship, Smut, Some Humor, Subspace, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Touring, Tragedy, Traveling, True Love, Unrequited Love, a bit of angst, established relationships - Freeform, implied eating disorder, some drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-22
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2018-01-16 13:51:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 22
Words: 40,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1349722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinnowhereland/pseuds/lostinnowhereland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shy and Zayn haven't been together very long but they're still as much in love as they were when they met in that broken down elevator.  But now they have to face the consequences and complications that come with being together when Zayn is part of a famous boyband and Shylah lives in California.</p><p>They knew being apart was going to be difficult, they knew that everything was going to crash down on them if everyone found out about their relationship, and they knew that it would all be worth it.  All the pressure and the hate are a lot to handle for a girl who's never had to experience any of it.  Especially when Zayn's ex fiance ends up back in the picture, touring with One Direction that summer, and tragedy strikes as a result of a fan mob, leaving both Zayn and Shylah questioning where they stand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I know some of you were interested in a sequel for Through the Dark and I've finally gotten my lazy butt to write it :). I don't know how often I'll be updating as Something Borrowed is still my main focus, but I'm going to definitely try to make this once a week!
> 
> Hope you enjoy, kudos and comments are appreciated but I love you for just reading! You all give me warm fuzzies when you read my stories. The extra stuff just makes me fuzzier. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is going to get off on kind of a slow start, but when they actually get to see each other again it'll pick up. And while this story is a little more angsty emotion wise than the first one, I still want to keep it one of my light and fluffy stories.

Shylah's POV:

I thumbed through the pictures on my phone, sadly looking down at them but smiling in spite of myself. Before he and the boys left we had decided to take as many pictures as possible. I had quite a lot of Liam and Niall loving it up and enjoying their new couple status as much as I did of Harry and Louis teasing each other and kissing. I even had a few with me and the boys individually. My favorites were the ones of me with Zayn, the ones that the boys had taken when we weren't paying attention and the ones we had taken ourselves.

I stared down intensely, running the pads of my fingers over the contours of Zayn's face, the soft glow of morning casting a slight shadow where his lusciously long eyelashes brushed his cheeks. His olive skin was smooth, the sharp edges of his cheekbones evident along with the defined line of his jaw, and I itched to be able to touch him again. It hadn't been very long. I'd only been home about a week but I knew that the media was flipping their shit after finding out that "Zerrie" was no more.

My gaze drifted from my phone, where Zayn had been planting a sloppy kiss to my cheek and making me giggle-I believe Niall was the one to catch that in between eating and making out with Liam-, to the ring on my finger. The diamonds sparkled in the light from the sun and I was reminded once again how much I loved my quiet introvert of a boyfriend who had a dirty mouth in bed and loved me to bits and pieces. I twisted the ring with my thumb-it having become a nervous habit-dying to read the inscription on the inside of it, but not wanting to take the chance.

I was at school, my independent study class, and there was still a chance that someone would see it. No one knew about my relationship with Zayn, no one _could_ know. It was a secret that had to be kept for the sake of Zayn, the band, and me, at least for now. I kept my phone locked with a complicated password that nobody could crack unless I told them just so no one could come across the pictures of me with the boys. Even then there was a password protecting that particular folder.

My phone buzzed and a picture of Zayn flashed on the screen, smiling up at me, his gorgeous whiskey colored eyes shining with love. I sighed, not wanting to stop staring but knowing that if I did answer I would get to talk to my boyfriend.

"Hey baby, is everything okay?" I asked immediately, realizing that it was about five o'clock in London and that they were supposed to be doing something or other that day, being a famous boy band and all.

"Yeah, I'm just so fucking sick at looking at all these rumors flying around about me and Pez you know?" he growled. I hated when he got worked up. I knew he cared about Perrie, and of course it bugged me a little, Zayn and I were both a tad bit jealous when it came to other people, but it didn't stop me from sympathizing. I knew that they were probably having a rough time.

"I know, I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do. I know how hard this is for you. I just wish you didn't have to go through it. But it'll all blow over soon right? I mean how long can they concentrate on this?" I assured him, trying my best to keep my voice low but soothing.

I heard him heave a heavy sigh over the other end of the phone and could almost picture the distressed look on his face. I could see his fingers raking through his raven black hair and his forehead wrinkling with worry and exhaustion. I wanted so badly to be there with him and share the burden, but I couldn't and honestly, it killed me.

"I wish you were too. I miss you so much Shy. I just wish I could go back home and find you waiting there for me. I would cuddle the fuck out of you right now," he murmured quietly, a breathy laugh escaping his perfect lips. I giggled softly, picturing the way that the tanned skin of his cheeks would be tinting a delicious shade of pink from his joke.

"Me too, but a few more months and I will be. We'll have a whole week together, then it's just a few months until tour and I'll try and come and visit you as much as possible if management won't let me travel with you," I reminded the perfect boy on the other side of the phone.

"I can't wait, and they will let you come. I'll make them. There is no way I'm spending the entire tour with the Stylinson and Hayne couples without you," Zayn chuckled lowly, his voice a little raspier than before. I could tell he was smoking, probaby trying to find a moment to himself. To tell you the truth, I was pretty sure that was the main reason he kept smoking, so that he'd have an excuse to have a solitary minute to himself.

I knew how Zayn was, he loved his friends and his family and the fans and what he did, but he was just the type of person who needed time to himself. I was the same way and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to have finally found a person who understands what it's like to not want to be around people 24/7. I knew part of the time I went to visit him when he got some time off in March was going to be spent with the two of us in different rooms of his house. But just being able to see him whenever I wanted, to be able to be close enough to just walk into another room and find him was enough for me.

I doubted we were going to be the couple that had to spend every spare second together so our relationship would work. Most of the time we did-at least we did when we were together in LA-but it was nice to know that the other understood that we didn't have to, that we weren't obligated to spend every minute by each other's side.

"Good, I'm kind of curious what it's like to be on the road with you guys," I replied happily, still twisting Zayn's ring around my finger.

"You'd probably love it. It gets kind of tiring but I think it'd be a blast, if you're there-" he cut off for a second and I heard some muffled talking on the other end.

"Oh, the guys say 'hi' and that they miss you and Niall says he wants more cake," Zayn laughed breathily. I rolled my eyes at the Irish man's insatiable appetite.

"Tell them 'hi' back and that I miss them too. Break the news gently to Niall that I don't think a cake would hold up on a trip overseas," I giggled, glancing around warily. Most of the time I tried not to use their names in public, you never know who could be listening. Even if people didn't believe I knew One Direction, I didn't need them thinking that there's a possibilty I had ties with them, much less that I'm dating Zayn.

"Will do babe. How's today going so far?" Zayn inquired, the sound of rustling papers in the background.

"Boring as usual, nothing compared to being in a boy band," I shrugged with a slight smile.

"I don't care, I like hearing about what you do. It's interesting to me, hearing about someone with a normal life. Besides, I like hearing your voice. I really needed to hear it right now, things were getting a bit overwhelming," he confessed, probably blushing furiously. I know I was. I could feel my cheeks heating up.

"I'm just at school, waiting for class to start so I can get out of here. And I like hearing your voice too, it's soothing. I'm always here if you need me," I breathed dreamily.

"I know, and I love you so much," Zayn practically whispered, his voice low and little husky. A shiver raced up my spine.

"I love you too, Z," I said just as quietly when I heard a shout, wondering if Louis had pulled one of his pranks again.

"I gotta go, they're calling us for the photoshoot. I'll talk to you later, baby," Zayn told me hurriedly.

"Okay, love you," I repeated. I don't think I could ever get tired of saying or hearing those words.

"I love you too," Zayn replied. It sounded as though he had the same soft smile playing at his full lips that I did before he clicked off.

I groaned. I loathed being away from Zayn and I still hadn't told anyone about what had happened in LA. I'd gotten a lot of shit from my friends when they thought I just stayed in my hotel room and a couple of suspicious looks pointed towards the ring on my finger. I had to remind people more than once that I was in LA, not Vegas and that I was underage. All I received were eye rolls in response.

I just really wanted Zayn and the boys. It felt like my body was aching, being weighed down by the distance. All I wanted to do was touch him and take away all the pressure that Zayn was put under. I just missed him so intensely it felt like nothing else mattered and I had no one I could talk to about it. There was one person who I could tell without fear of her spilling the beans or judging me but I wasn't sure how to explain what had happened to me.

I mean, how do you explain to someone that you fell in love with a famous boy bander because you had been stuck in a broken down elevator with him for a few hours? Even to your best friend that's going to sound completely insane.

I sighed and shoved my phone back into my pocket just in case Zayn called or texted before I entered the smallish classroom. My teacher taught me the lesson real quick so I could get home to my computer, hoping my boyfriend would be able to Skype. That was one of the benefits of independent study. I was home most of the time so I could talk to Zayn whenever he got the chance.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter! :) More to come and I promise it gets better; things will be more interesting. Hang in there :).

Shylah's POV:

I was sprawled out on my bed in Zayn's Nirvana shirt and little else as I listened to music when the call came in.

I hastily sat up, dragging my computer into my lap and clicking the button that would connect me to my boyfriend. His beautiful face popped up, the dim lighting of the room he was in casting a shadow that made him look more rugged than usual. I practically whimpered at the sight of him, not being able to kiss him or even hug him hello. I settled for a beaming smile.

"Vas happenin' gorgeous?" he asked excitedly, leaning closer as if he could somehow climb through his computer screen and come out through mine.

"Missing you, as usual," I sighed happily, propping my elbow on my leg and resting my chin in my hand.

"Miss you too, few more months. And you'll be eighteen too," Zayn chuckled conspiratorily.

"Hmmm, whatever will we do to celebrate?" I grinned, feigning ignorance to his suggestive tone and pretending my voice hadn't taken on the same quality.

"I think it should involve telling each other we love each other countless times, snuggling, you letting me buy you something, and then ending with mind blowing orgasms and more snuggling and telling each other we love each other," he said, his thumb swiping over his camera for a moment.

"Mmmmm, yes to everything but you buying me something," I agreed readily, pushing my computer off my lap and readjusting so I was laying out on my stomach, and staring at my unbelievably hot boyfriend who had started to pout adorably.

We bantered back and forth for a while, laying there in our respective beds and just enjoying each other's company. We talked about anything and everything just like we always had. It really was incredible how everytime we got a chance to have a moment to ourselves we could pick up where we left off. I just couldn't get over it sometimes. What was even harder to grasp was that Zayn Malik from One Direction was in love with _me_. He left his fiance, the girl he had been with for years to be with _me_ after we'd only known each other for a couple of hours. Even after that shock of a lifetime, Zayn never ceased to manage to surprise me.

I saw him frown at his phone. I had assumed that he was texting one of the boys but the expression on his face was hard and slightly angry, one that could only mean... Managment.

"I can't fucking believe them!" He muttered darkly, his eyebrows furrowing and his lips pressing into a thin, hard line. I cocked an eyebrow in question.

"They're fucking having us tour with Little Mix this summer!" Zayn yelled, practically throwing his phone across the room and furiously gripping the sheets in his balled up fists.

"Zayn, it's okay, calm down," I assured him soothingly even as my stomach roiled and my heart twisted in jealousy. Little Mix touring with One Direction was practically a license for Zayn to hook up with Perrie again from management even though they knew he was with me.

"It's not fucking okay Shy! You know they're doing this because they're trying to break us up and have me get back with Perrie. It will be completely chaotic with all the gossip magazines and the fans, even more now! Bloody fucking hell! They're proper pricks who don't know when to stop meddling with our lives. There is no way you're not coming on tour with us now!" Zayn shouted, having hopped off the bed and started pacing the floor of his room, his hands clasped together behind his back.

"Babe, seriously, this will all be okay. I promise. Screw everyone else. The truly loyal fans won't care about anything other than you being happy, and I mean, you're happy...right?" I asked uncertainly. His reaction had me a little freaked to be honest. It wasn't doing anything to calm the strong sense of discord and future complications that had begun settling themselves in my bones.

Zayn's expression softened and he gave me a sweet smile, crawling back into bed and getting closer to the camera, "Yeah, of course I'm happy, baby. I love you so much. I just hate that they think forcing us to be in the same area all the time will get me and Pez back together. I want them to respect that I love you and you love me and that that's not going to change; ever."

My heart fluttered in my chest and my previous anxiety lifted a bit as I nodded, "I love you too, don't forget it. For now let's just focus on being able to have a few hours to ourselves. I'll be there with you in London in no time."

Zayn sighed contentedly, a soft, small smile pulling at the corners of his lips as he gazed at me through the screen. It felt as though I could almost touch him like I'd been able to in LA when we laid out in bed together. I desperately wanted to let my fingers skim over the sharp edges of his jaw line, feeling the rough stubble against my skin.

A loud banging came from the other end of the line and the two of us both groaned on cue, ripped from the mesmerizing task of just staring at each other. That happened sometimes. The two of us would just lay there and stare in a comfortable silence. Words weren't needed to fill the quiet, there was no void to be filled. The only thing that needed to be remedied was the distance between us.

"Oi! Love birds, stop having skype sex!" Niall insisted as Zayn reluctantly left his bed, the sweats he was wearing hanging low on his narrow hips and showing off the slight indents at the bottom of his spine.

Once the door was opened all four of the boys stumbled inside, nearly falling into a pile on top of each other before Niall was caught by Liam and Harry was steadied by Louis. I swear I was about to die from how freaking adorable they all were.

Zayn's arms were crossed, his profile steady as he cocked an eyebrow at his band mates. I could tell he was amused, that much was obvious, but it was more than a little funny that he was pretending otherwise in front of the people who knew him best. I wasn't sure if I could count myself in that category yet but I was at least able to read his emotions like an open book.

"We're having a meeting with management tomorrow to discuss this tour business. Those fucking twats aren't getting away with shit. Shy, you're going to come with us if we have to sneak you on the bus in one of our suitcases," Niall promised, flashing me a blinding grin as Louis edged closer to the bed.

"Or we could just tell everyone Harold here is dating her, keep up with his image as a ladies man," Louis suggested jokingly, poking his boyfriend's cheek and making the signature dimple carve into it. We all laughed at Louis's attempt to lighten the mood, grateful for the distraction.

There was a pause where no one said anything. It wasn't uncomfortable, it was something natural that settled upon us. Of course Lou had to be the one to break it, laughing as he squinted adorably at the screen.

"Are you seriously still wearing that?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow, smirking as I looked down at Zayn's shirt.

"Yeah, doesn't smell like you anymore though," I pouted to Zayn who laughed, a little calmer now as he peered fondly at me, his eyes drinking in my appearance. I could see Louis rolling his eyes in the background.

"The point is that you two have nothing to worry about, we're going to back you guys up. They should be happy that Zayn hasn't shagged a guy. Imagine the heart attacks everyone would have if the entire band was gay," Liam chuckled. The rest of us let out uneasy laughter, knowing that it wouldn't be that easy.

"Thanks guys, but, could you give us a minute? We need to talk about this," Zayn requested, glancing at the boys in turn. They nodded and filed out, blowing kisses and making weird faces before the door was shut.

"What's there to talk about?" I asked nervously, tugging my sleeves over my hands. My gorgeous boyfriend sighed as he fell back onto the bed. My eyes were glued to the dark line of hair leading into his sweats, apparent from the glow of the laptop.

"Perrie. She's...it's going to be difficult with her around," Zayn told me. My heart stopped beating. In fact, I think it might've been torn from my chest and flung across the room at his words and sullen tone.


	3. Chapter 3

Zayn's POV:

I saw Shy's face drop, saw the slight pink to her cheeks from the sun in California drain pale white once I had spoken. Fuck! That's not what I meant!

"No, baby, no," I said quickly, hurtling upwards and facing the screen of my lap top full on. I could see her start to calm down a bit as she waited for an explanation, taking deep, slow breaths. I felt horrible. It was obvious she was trying to stave off a panic attack and it's all because I didn't fucking elaborate.

"Not, for me. I mean, yeah for me, but because Perrie's, Perrie. She might've been okay with it when we weren't around each other but now that we're going to be on tour together, it could be harder for her to just accept the break up," I explained, letting out a relieved breath when Shylah nodded in understanding, her breathing back to normal. I gave her a weak smile in encouragement, staring intently.

My hands itched to touch her, my heart and body aching with the need to be near her, to be able to hold her and talk to her in person. Yeah, I got horny, but I just missed her presence. She was calming and soothing but fun and energized when I felt like being silly. Shylah somehow understood my mood swings better than anyone I'd ever met. Possibly because she had them herself, but we were always in sync, always in tune with one another that rivaled every preconception I'd ever had. Perrie was supposed to be it, and I was happy but with Shy... Christ, the feeling of being with her was something that could never be acheived with someone else. Before, I didn't know what I was missing, now, I could never go back and I didn't want to.

But Perrie, while she was understanding, I mostly let her do the talking that night, not able to bear giving her the exact reason we needed to break up. I was mildly surprised that she'd known it was coming but it only made sense. Our jobs and our lives in general kept us busy.

"Oh, well, I trust you," Shylah shrugged. Not as if it didn't matter, but like it wasn't a big deal because she did trust me. She wasn't concerned about Perrie would do because she knew that I wouldn't betray her and love swelled in my chest even more.

"God, I love you," I breathed appreciatively, pressing my lips to the ring I wore around my left ring finger.

"I love you too," she murmured, kissing her own ring.

"Call me before you go to bed, I don't care what time it is," I commanded gently, knowing that if she went to bed too late she probably wouldn't because she's extremely considerate of my sleeping habits.

"I will, talk to you later. You guys have fun. Good luck tomorrow, I'll keep my fingers crossed," Shy smiled.

"Love you, babe," I grinned one last time.

"Love you more," she replied, playing into the little dance we always did. Yeah, we were one of those couples, so what.

"Love you most," I insisted, blowing one last kiss before we disconnected. I lay there on my bed a moment, loathe to leave the quiet of my room but I heard the boys downstairs, waiting for me. I hadn't seen them in about a week and I'd already missed them. I willed myself to move and slunk down the stairs to join the lads.

******

"Why're you such a twat?" I grumbled to Louis who was much too chipper for mid afternoon. I mean, how does he even get all the energy he does? I had been trying to take a nap. Instead we were all sitting around in the living room, lounging about while trying to wake up when I was roped into an early morning game of FIFA. I reluctantly complied, knowing Lou would just get whiny if I didn't. I wasn't even really paying attention. I was more curious about when Shy was going to call. I knew that it was getting late in California but she stayed up until all hours of the night. A true insomniac.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I gratefully handed my controller over to Liam, effectively tearing his attention away from a slightly flustered looking Niall.

_**You up babe? :)** _

I smiled down at my phone, quickly replying.

**Yeah. FIFA :/**

_**:) Just wanted to say love you. I'm about to head to bed.** _

**Call me? :) <3**

I tapped my foot anxiously waiting for a response, completely absorbed in the conversation, finding it more entertaining than Louis and Liam battling it out on the Xbox. I mean, how could I not? Shy was so fucking adorable when she was about to go to sleep. Her hooded eyes and the way she became extra soft and pliant, especially after an orgasm. I stifled a laugh and tried to ignore the way my dick took interest in the image.

Finally my phone started going off and I waved it around to let the boys know I was going to take it before disappearing up the stairs. I fell back onto my big bed after closing the door, immediately surrounded by rumpled blankets and sheets.

"Hey, love," I smiled, pressing the answer button.

"Hey, Z," she replied distantly. I frowned. She didn't sound distant emotionally, just far away from the phone and when there was a thump as well as some very faint cursing I jolted, worried.

"Shit, sorry," Shy apologized sounding sheepish but cute all the same.

"What're you doing?" I chuckled, letting my hand rub over my bare torso absently.

"Changing," she told me. There was no hint of sexual undertones but that didn't stop my breath from hitching as I pictured her doing exactly that. I'd seen her do it and it had permanently etched itself into my memory just like almost everything else about her had.

"So right now you're...." I trailed off, letting her fill in the blanks.

"I'm in my underwear, trying to decide what to wear," Shy supplied. Fuck.

I gulped audibly as my fingers trailed down the lower part of my stomach, teasingly tracing over the strip of skin just above my waistband, cock definitely hardening.

"Zayn," she spoke breathily, the sound making me groan, finally giving in and palming myself through my sweatpants.

"Yeah?" I asked in response, breath already a bit ragged as I tried to keep calm while my fingers traced over my dick lightly through the thin fabric separating skin from skin.

"Are you touching yourself?" Shy inquired. I knew she was just asking but there was a dangerous drop to the tone of her voice that made me groan.

"Yes," I hissed, shoving my joggers and pants down to the middle of my thighs and finally getting a hand around myself, inhaling sharply as I did.

"Good," she replied firmly, a smirk no doubt upturning the corners of her mouth that I could picture perfectly wrapped around my now straining cock having been pumped to full hardness.

My phone buzzed in my ear and I checked it, a picture of Shy's lips red and swollen as if she had been biting them or they'd been bruised from rough kisses if I was with her. I gasped, licking my hand quickly to make it easier.

"Shit," I cursed, holding the phone back up to my ear.

"I wish that I was there with you," Shy murmured seductively. I made a tiny noise of agreement, encouraging her to continue.

"I'd let you do whatever you want to me. Wrap my lips around your cock and let you abuse my mouth," Shylah taunted.

I panted into the phone, trying to form words as my hand slid over my dick, picturing doing exactly as she said. I let my girlfriend control my fantasy as I ran my thumb over my slit and spread precum over myself along with my drying spit.

"Anything I wanted?" I finally managed to choke out.

"Anything. What do you want to do to me Zayn?" she prompted.

"Fuck- I want to fuck your pretty little mouth," I whimpered, hand speeding up, my fingers playing with the underside of the head on each upstroke. I tightened my hold, the muscles in my arms working furiously.

"Yeah? You want to make me choke? Grab my hair and force me down on your cock until I can't breathe?" Shy asked, voice laced with sexual undertones.

"Fuck, yes, it'd be so fucking hot, watching your lips stretch around me. It is. Fucking love when you take me into your wet mouth and run your tongue all over my cock," I groaned, gripping myself tightly, strokes becoming faster, my fist twisting.

"Mmm, shit," she paused, I could hear the high pitch of her voice, different and desperate.

"Christ, baby, what're you doing?" I rasped, my eyes fluttering shut as my back arched just the slightest.

"T-touching myself. Imagining my fingers are your huge cock. Wish you were here, want you to fuck me so bad, wanna feel you inside me, splitting me open, making me come..." she trailed off, breath coming faster.

"Shit, I'd fuck you so hard. Make you come all over my cock while I pound into you. Christ, I'd fuck you into the fucking mattress, make you come until you can't take it anymore," I whined, kicking out slightly on the bed as the heat built up in my abdomen, churning violently with my impending orgasm.

"Mmph, so close, Zayn!" Shy keened.

"Me too. Come for me, fuck, wanna hear you," I begged, imagining how she was writhing on her bed because of her fingers. Her face would be flushed, chest heaving as she chased after her release just like I was. It seemed my words were what tipped her over the edge. I listened to the distinct sounds of a strangled moan coming from the other end and then a muffled cry of my name.

That's all it took for me to shoot over my stomach, painting it and my hand white as I rode out my orgasm, back arching obscenely off the bed. My eyes squeezed tightly shut, white spots appearing behind eyelids and Shy's heavy breath through the phone faintly registered in my mind as I let the waves of pleasure wash over me before I collapsed back on my bed. Fuck.

"Fucking hell," I finally said once our breathing was close to normal.

"That was fun," Shy giggled tiredly. I licked my dry lips, resisting the urge to run my sticky hand through my sweaty hair.

"Understatement of the century right there," I chuckled, fidgeting a bit uncomfortably as my cum was drying a bit tacky on my skin already.

"Yeah, still wish you were here. Hard to cuddle by myself," she admitted, laugh a bit tinny from the phone.

"Me too. Miss you like crazy. But um, about what you said about the mouth thing..." I started. I wasn't really sure how to ask.

"Zayn, are you asking me if I'd let you fuck my mouth?" she fucking snickered, all smug and shit like it was no big deal.

"So what if I am?" I demanded defensively, knowing very well we were both messing with each other.

"Then I'd say yes. Don't be afraid to ask me to try new things. I don't have very much experience but I'm more than willing to learn. In fact, sounds kind of hot, you getting rough with me, taking control, hand cuffing me to the bed," Shy was practically purring the words into the phone and if I hadn't just come then I'd be hard again.

"Shit, yeah, okay. It's just with girls, you have to be like, gentle and stuff," I told her, picking at a dry speck of cum.

"That's total bullshit. I always hear about that in fanfics or whatever and it drives me crazy. If you were hurting me I'd tell you but don't be afraid to. We can come up with a safe word or something if you're worried about it but, really, just be rough if you want to. I told you the first time we met that it'd always been a fantasy to have a guy fuck me senseless into a mattress or pinned up against a wall. I want to try those things and whatever else comes to mind," she reminded me, vehemently arguing her point.

"Okay, we can come up with a safe word. But you need to sleep, love, it's really late," I suggested gently, a satisfied grin on my face.

"Fine. Love you, Z," Shylah hummed lightly. I could tell she was smiling, getting that familiar happy glow every time we said 'I love you' and after an orgasm.

"Love you too, Shy," I replied wholeheartedly, hanging up after a few seconds, knowing she wouldn't. She hated hanging the phone up first whether it was me or anybody else and the thought made me chuckle. God, I loved that girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if the phone sex was total crap. I've never had it, and I've never written it. The sort of awkwardness is kind of good since the characters haven't had phone sex together before either, but... I don't know. Whatever, hope you liked it, next chapter will come within the next week. :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I don't know how good this chapter is, but here it tis. More to come soon and hopefully Shy and Zayn's reunion.

Shylah's POV:

I was in class when I first started noticing the familiar signs of fatigue. It was something an insomniac like me had become accostumed to, but there was a sinister undertone to the feeling. I knew my body well. Better than most people, I think, after all I had put it through over the years. But I was really hoping and praying that I would be okay until I got home. I really didn't want to have to deal with any freak outs in class. Especially not with my Spanish teacher. He was acting like he had a stick up his ass turned sideways. I really was tempted to just tell him he should really get that checked out.

It wasn't until I was walking out towards the parking lot that I started to stumble a bit. I frantically dropped down onto a bench, taking deep breaths and praying for my mom to get there faster. I clutched my phone tightly as the yellowish tinge to my vision started to fade. I breathed a bit easier but my heart was racing in my chest even faster than normal.

I didn't realize that my phone was buzzing until I looked down to see a picture of Zayn flashing on the screen. I smiled weakly, light headed and swaying a bit even as I sat there.

"Hey," I breathed readily, trying not to let on how winded I was.

"Hey, love," Zayn greeted, most likely smiling. We had been apart for a month and it was torture being in the middle of February with March just around the corner but not quite there yet.

"What's up?" I asked, eyes desperately scanning for my mom's car.

"Nothing really, just wanted you," I could almost see the nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. I let out a small giggle, still a bit breathless.

"You okay, sweetheart? You don't sound right," Zayn said, his brow probably furrowing in concern, distorting his chiseled features into a devastating pout.

"Yeah, um, I'm fine. Just not feeling too great," I practically panted, spotting my mom and trying to stand. I felt my knees start to give as blackness loomed ahead.

"Shy?" Zayn asked distantly. It felt like his voice was coming from thousands of miles away. My body felt sluggish and unresponsive as I felt my head become heavier before being engulfed by darkness, the faint sound of Zayn panicking the last thing I heard.

Black. Fluttering eyelids. Pounding in my head. Blinking. More Black.

"Shylah, honey, wake up!" My mom's voice broke through the haze.

Eyes open. I was staring at a white ceiling and it was moving. It took a moment to realize that I was in the hospital, that I was being rushed in a gurney with my mother running alongside it and I groaned. But paramount in my mind was that Zayn didn't know that I was okay.

"Mom! Call Zayn!" I shouted. At least I tried to. It came out as a croak as I fought with my body to be able to lift my shaking hand enough to grab onto the railing.

"What?" she asked me disbelievingly, confusion lining her face.

"Call Zayn, tell him I'm alright," I insisted, I was being pulled away faster.

"Who's Zayn?" Another female voice ask from my other side.

"I don't know. Honey, are you talking about One Direction?" My mom inquired even more worriedly.

I almost screamed in frustration even as it felt like there was a jackhammer drilling into my head at that moment. Of fucking course I couldn't have just told her already and now they all thought I was insane!

"No, kind of, look. Take my phone, just, please, call him!" I called, shoving my cell into her hands before I was wheeled away.

 

Zayn's POV:

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Shylah, pick up the phone," I muttered to myself. Pacing furiously and chain smoking like a fiend with all the boys huddled in my living room, watching me warily. Something was wrong. Something was wrong and I couldn't be there and it was killing me. She wasn't picking up her phone and I'd been trying ever since we'd gotten disconnected.

I heard the line finally pick up, "Shy? Please tell my you're okay!" There was silence for a moment.

"Um, this is her mother," a woman's voice answered awkwardly. Almost...well, timid.

"Oh, um, hi. Nice to meet you Ms. Evans. Is Shylah okay?" I questioned nervously. It definitely wasn't how I imagined meeting my girlfriend's mother.

"Are you really Zayn Malik?" she demanded instead. I gulped and gave a wide eyed look to my mates before nodding, momentarily forgetting she couldn't actually see me.

"Yeah, I am."

"Oh, thank God! She's not crazy!" Ms. Evans sighed in relief. I shifted uncomfortably, my feet glued to the floor.

"Uh, no?" I guessed. I really had no idea what the hell was going on. All I wanted to know is if Shy was okay.

"Sorry, sorry. She fainted and hit her head pretty hard the cement. We were worried that she was going to have a serious concussion. Lucky my girl has a hard head," Ms. Evans chuckled darkly and humorlessly.

The tension in my body deflated, "So she's going to be okay?"

"Yes, she'll be fine. Just needs to be checked out, but I think I can take her home with me once they're done," she replied assuredly.

"Good. I'm so glad that she's okay. Thank you for telling me," I breathed tiredly.

"No problem. Are you-well, are you dating my daughter?" Ms. Evans wondered easily. I stiffened again.

"Yees, Shylah's my girlfriend," I confirmed. I was freaking the fuck out for an entirely different reason now that I knew Shy was going to be okay. I didn't know if she wanted to tell her mom about us. She was going to eventually, but had never really found the right time.

"Do you love her?" came the tentative reply.

"More than I ever thought possible," I admitted. This was good, this was something I could do. I was a very private person. I didn't talk about my feelings or relationships, but I had no problem with saying exactly how I felt about Shy. I didn't get to tell people very often when all I wanted to do was shout it from the roof tops or at least announce it to a crowd of however many people at a concert.

"Okay, that's all I needed to know. She's been happier since she came back. I guess I know why now. Thank you," Ms. Evans told me.

"For what?" I cocked an eyebrow, looking out my kitchen window.

"For giving me my daughter back. Wasn't herself until she came back from LA. So thank you for being good for her," she explained.

I could feel the blush creeping up into my cheeks and I scratched the back of my neck bashfully. Yeah, this was proper mad. My girlfriend fainting led to a heart to heart with her mother. But I couldn't help but feel a spark of happiness at the woman's words. She thought I was good for her daughter. She was _thanking_ me for giving her Shylah back. I knew that she had been through some rough times but I didn't realize how bad until then and it made me eternally grateful that I could be a part of the reason why she was better.

"Really, she's the one who's good for me. I s'pose we're both what the other person needed," I shrugged. It was really hard to articulate how the odd situation came about between me and Shy, how we fell in love so quickly to someone who might not understand.

"I'm glad you found each other. But I have to go, the doctor's coming in," the response was muffled and I only had time for a quick 'goodbye' before the line went dead.

 

Shylah's POV:

I huffed in annoyance as I was forced to deal with the whole hospital routine and got a lecture from doctors. Honestly, it's not like I fucking _wanted_ to faint. It just happened. I had a lot of things on my mind and my blood sugar levels just weren't one of them.

I just wanted to get home to Skype Zayn. My mom told me about their conversation and after I got a slightly disapproving look for not telling her sooner, she gave me her version of contentment regarding my choice of men. Which meant, she commented on how she was glad that I'd found someone who made me happy and that she wished I'd told her. It was her way of yelling at me. My mother didn't actually chastise or shout, she just kind of, let me make my own decisions.

I just, I don't know. I really wanted to get out of the damn hospital. Everything hurt. My body ached, and my head was pounding, but I wasn't about to stay there any longer than I had to by complaining. I just wanted Zayn. I wanted my boyfriend.


	5. Chapter 5

Shylah's POV:

My entire body was rebelling against me and I hated it. But at least I was at home, tucked safely into bed and curled around my computer as I waited for the Skype call to connect.

Zayn's face popped up and I almost started crying right there. I reached out to trail a finger over his image, wishing I could touch him, just for a little while.

"Hey, baby, are you okay?!" Zayn asked frantically, his pretty amber eyes flicking from my face to my blankets, no doubt registering the slightly more prominent bags under my eyes and how pale I was.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, Z. It just...it hurts," I murmured tiredly, my eyes starting to water as I scooted closer my laptop, the sharp corners digging into my tummy and thigh.

"I'm so sorry," he apologized unecessarily, looking absolutely devastated.

"I just miss you so much. It's getting so hard and I all wanted was you, you know? I still want you. I want you here with me so we can cuddle and sleep together. Even after not being together for very long in LA, it's so hard to sleep without you next to me when all I want to do is wake up and see you," I replied, tears streaking their way down my cheeks in rapid succession as I cried quitely.

"Fuck, I know sweetheart, I want to be with you so bad. Please don't cry, please? You're gonna make me cry, Shy. It's killing me, not being able to be there. I just... I can't-" Zayn broke off, swallowing thickly, and I could see his eyes shining with unshed tears as we gazed longingly at each other.

"I know, I know. Soon right? And then we maybe have all summer together," I repeated for what felt like the thousandth time. Honestly it was the only thing that kept us sane over the past couple of weeks.

"Yeah. Just us as much as possible. If I can keep the guys from breaking down my door. They miss you too. We're all rather attached," Zayn sniffled, quickly rubbing over his nose.

"They'll just have to deal," I laughed lightly, throat still tight as I restrained myself from crying.

Zayn chuckled and gave me one of his small smiles, pressing his tongue to the back of his teeth, eyes still a bit watery. I just...I didn't even know how to explain the burning desire, the one that absolutely consumed me, to be with him, in person. It was like nothing else mattered. I was just going through the motions until we could see each other again.

"Will you just, I don't know, talk to me for a while, or sing? Just, stay on the line until I fall asleep? M'tired," I requested shakily, burrowing further into my blankets and clutching my blankie tighter to my chest. I wanted to bury my face in the Nirvana shirt that I was wearing, but I knew Zayn's smell was long gone.

"Yeah, of course. Get some sleep babe, I'll be here when you wake up," Zayn said softly, humming for a moment before launching into a retelling of how Louis pulled some crazy prank. I wasn't even trying to pay attention. I just focused on the soothing warmth of Zayn's voice, rich and smooth like honey as he talked.

　

 

 

Zayn's POV:

I waited anxiously, jittery and out of sorts. Of course I was, it was three o'clock in the fucking morning and I was awake. I was never awake unless we were on tour and I had to be or I was too pumped on adrenaline to sleep. But Shylah was worth it. I wanted to be the one to pick her up from the airport and the safest way to do that was to have the others create a distraction while I hid underneath a snapback and baggy clothes, impatient for my girlfriend to arrive.

The plane landed and I watched closely, inconspicuously off to the side, as people unloaded looking haggard and worn. But I was looking for someone special, someone with the face of an angel. At least that's what she looked like when she disembarked, her sharp, observant hazel eyes searching for mine until she found me. Her face lit up like fireworks bursting into the sky and she practically glowed like she was fucking pregnant or something.

I was suddenly assaulted with an image of Shy, belly swollen from carrying a child. My child, growing inside of her and the thought had me smiling privately to myself. She would be a wonderful mother. Maybe someday she would be and I could only hope that I was the one to help her become one because the momentary thought that it would be any man other than me had a fit of jealousy roaring in my chest. I shoved the thought of kids for some other day in the distant future, focusing on the beautiful girl that was really too far away for my liking.

I clenched my hands into fists, resisting the urge to surge forward, only to finally give in when she started running the best she could with her suitcase. Letting go of the handle right before we met, Shy jumped into my outstretched arms, hers wrapping around my neck as her ankles locked around my waist. We clung tightly to each other, faces buried in the other's neck. I breathed her in, the sweet smell of her shampoo and natural scent surrounding me. I sighed, kissing her soft skin reverently, never wanting to let her go.

"I love you so fucking much," I breathed, tangling my fingers in her wavy, silky locks while my other hand secured her to my body around her waist. She squeezed me tighter, pulling away just enough to crash her lips on mine.

God, how I missed her. Missed the way she felt in my arms, so soft and comfortable. Missed the way that she did that thing with her tongue in my mouth, the one she was doing right now, melding it with my own. I sucked greedily until I heard the breathy moan that I so desperately wanted to hear. The phone would never do her noises justice.

"I," kiss, "love," kiss, "you," she said against my lips, sucking my lower one into her mouth, gently biting at it. I groaned.

"Let's get out of here, yeah?" I suggested, reluctantly setting her on her feet with one a last, chaste kiss. Shylah nodded eagerly, blushing all the same as I laced my fingers through hers and grabbed her suitcase. She protested a second, so used to being independent, doing everything for herself, before she gave in.

It worried me that she had gotten so used to taking care of herself at such a young age. I remember her telling me stories about how she'd had to learn, from the time she was a little girl, how to do it all. Shy wasn't one to give up the little control she did have, but I loved that she trusted me enough to let me have some of it. I loved that she allowed me to take care of her sometimes.

I knew she had moments of self doubt, that her logical side was sometimes weighed down by her insecurities. I hated seeing her like that but it proved to me that this perfect, wonderful girl was only human. A human who would let me see her at her worst sometimes and comfort her.

The thing that killed me was that she didn't realize exactly how beautiful she was. I didn't mind reminding her. I don't think I ever would get tired of assuring her just how brilliant I thought she was. With every other girl it had become annoying but not with Shy. She didn't bring it up very often. Usually it was just a joke or moments when she was really down. But she never really mentioned it all that much. I could just tell when she needed to hear it.

As soon as we were in the secluded car park I was pulling Shy back to my chest, pressing her firmly to my body and capturing her lips urgently. Her fingers threaded through my hair, tugging at it to drag me into an even more heated kiss as she stood on her tip toes. We eagerly devoured each other, sating the hunger that had built up over months of being apart.

I couldn't keep my hands from wandering her body, relearning every curve and dip as she clutched my shirt and hair in her fists. I wanted her so bad. I was so close to just taking her right there, on top of the car in the middle of the night.

"Love," I sighed against her mouth, drawing her attention. I dug my fingers into her hips, practically clawing at the offensive fabric that covered them.

"Mm, Zayn," she protested, chasing my lips with her own, probably just as dazed as I was.

"C'mon, let's get home. Can't wait much longer," I replied breathlessly. She nodded, falling back onto her feet. I gently kissed her forehead as we leaned against each other, content to just be together again.

I don't know how long we stood there. But I really couldn't care less. I cradled my girlfriend to me, her hands having slipped up my back to hold onto my shoulders as we hugged. Standing there, breathing each other in, reveling in each other's warmth, just holding the other like we never would again. That's what made everything worth it. It would always be worth it to just be together.

Making love was great, we had mind blowing sex, but it wasn't just physical, it's because we were doing it with each other. The fact that it was Shylah who I was with made everything that much sweeter, hotter, that much more intense. I would never be able to explain the feeling to someone who'd never felt it before. Hell, I didn't even understand how I could be bursting at the seams with so much love that it made me so happy just thinking about it. It just wasn't possible to put into words how incredible everything was, even the most mundane things, because of this insane, intense feeling all brought on by Shylah. I was so grateful every day for that damn lift because without it then we may never have found each other.


	6. Chapter 6

Zayn's POV:

I sighed and reluctantly opened the passenger door for her after stowing the luggage in the boot and getting into the driver's seat. I settled in, turning to Shylah after placing the keys in the ignition. I really didn't feel like going anywhere. I was seriously considering just dragging her into the back seat, cuddling up with her and falling asleep. But there was a reason that the boys were out kicking up a storm for the two of us and staying the night in my car in the middle of a car park would undermine the whole purpose.

"How was the flight?" I asked instead, reaching over to take Shy's left hand in my right, my thumb closing over her knuckles. I played absently with the ring on her finger, the suffocation I'd felt from not touching her for so long immediately subsiding.

"It was alright. Never been on a plane that long before though. I don't know how you guys do it," She replied tiredly, a sleepy but bright smile spreading across her face.

"Well, you'll get used to it soon enough this summer," I grinned. I had been practically bursting with good news but I'd wanted to wait until we were together to tell Shy. Her brow furrowed in confusion before she let out a little excited squeak.

"You mean they're gonna let me come on tour with you guys?!" She inquired, twisting her body around to face me fully. I nodded eagerly and was met with a lapful of Shylah.

I swear to God I never thought it was possible for someone to climb over the center console that fast but all of a sudden she was straddling my thighs. I gratefully wrapped my arms around her burying one hand in her hair as she peppered my neck and face with feather light kisses. I groaned at the way she was squirming in my lap, her bum unintentionally brushing over my cock. Shylah giggled, pressing her lips to my cheekbone.

"C'mon, start driving. Want you inside me," she breathed hotly in my ear, her tongue tracing over the shell of it. A small moan escaped my lips as my hold on my girlfriend tightened until our chests were flush against each other.

"You have such a dirty fucking mouth," I groaned, my breath already ragged from the way she was grinding down in little figure eights right over my hardening dick. She hummed in my ear, nipping at the lobe as her hands slid over my chest.

"You love it," she insisted confidently, her fingers toying with the hem of my shirt.

"Yeah," I agreed readily, sneaking in a kiss to the corner of her mouth. She pulled back a bit, lips out of reach. Such a tease.

"Your fault too. Just couldn't resist corrupting me," she whispered, her lips trailing from my ear to just below it, sucking a discreet love bite and eliciting a frustrated, somewhat strangled moan from the back of my throat. I dug my fingers into her hips, the coolness of them connecting with her overheated skin and making her gasp a bit.

"Stealing my innocence, making me scream your name," Shy continued, dragging her hips over my cock harder than before, the magnificent pressure driving me absolutely insane. It was too much and too little all at once. I ached to be inside her but I knew that if she kept fucking talking like that I would be coming in my joggers in minutes.

"An underaged girl, not even in college yet. Taking my virginity on the floor of an elevator then fucking me every night, making me beg for more," she murmured, her hand skimming over my bare chest under my shirt and tweaking a nipple.

"Shhit," I grunted, bucking up and slamming her down as I did, chasing my release. I felt her fingers tangle in my hair, tugging just right before her lips crashed down on mine, a hot tongue slipping into my mouth.

My entire body went rigid as I thrust up into Shylah, coming into my pants harder than I ever thought would be possible in a situation like this, panting wetly into her mouth. She kissed me through it, languidly moving her lips with mine as our tongues tangled and curled while we held each other. Foreheads pressed together, sweaty and chuckling, we sat there, my bottoms sticky and wet.

"Fuck, I missed this. I missed you," I sighed happily, capturing Shy's lips softly.

"I missed you too. More than you could ever know. Missed seeing you come. You look so hot when you fall apart," she giggled with a small kiss. I wiggled underneath her, my cock giving a feeble twitch in response to her words but it was still too soon to be getting hard.

"Nothing compared to you though. Look so beautiful when I make you come, moaning brokenly and those little whimpers. Christ," I chuckled breathily, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear to take in the gorgeous blush blooming across her cheeks.

"I love when you make me come from your hands, or your mouth, or your cock. I love when you whisper how much you love me and cuddle me afterwards like I'm the only person in the world that matters to you. I love that we feel so comfortable with each other that we can be having this conversation in a car at-whatever the hell hour it is now-after being apart for months, just picking up where we left off," Shy returned.

My heart expanded in my chest just a little bit more. I didn't even know how it was possible to love her even more but I did. It made me wonder how much harder I would fall for her every day after already being so impossibly in love with the girl before me.

"I love you," I replied, the words rolling off my tongue so easily. She nuzzled into my neck, just breathing for a long moment before she kissed my jaw.

"I love you too, Zayn," she hummed, the sound of my name sending more thrills up my spine. I carefully cradled her face in my hands as if she were made of glass, bringing her lips to mine in a searing kiss that spoke all the words we were unable to find to convey the depth of our love. A tiny moan tumbled into my mouth as I drew her tongue in and sucked gently. There was no intent, just langorous exploration and contentedness.

"We really have to get home now, it's arse o'clock in the morning, and these pants are getting really uncomfortable," I announced, lips still brushing over Shy's. She nodded and reluctantly slipped back into her seat.

 

 

Shylah's POV:

Zayn's slightly calloused hand slipped into mine, entwining our fingers as he drove. We were both exhausted but buzzing in anticipation for what was to come. There was no way that we would leave his bed for the next couple of days, not after being away from each other for so long. I sighed, satisfied to be with him but wanting to curl up in his lap.

I studied Zayn as he drove carefully through the darkened streets of London, not very many cars in sight. The tendons in his arm flexed along with his fingers as he expertly navigated the car. The way that his muscles worked, it had me shifting a bit in my seat, eyes glued to his arm before they flew up to his face.

God, Zayn's maddeningly beautiful profile, occasionally illuminated by the street lights as they passed overhead. He was still sporting a bit of scruff, the dark hairs dusting his cheeks and jaw while his hair was down and soft underneath his hat. I loved it like that, could run my fingers through it easily.

We pulled into his driveway in the gated community all the boys lived in-despite the rumors that Harry was "homeless" and just sleeping on friends couches-and reluctantly let go of each other's hands.

When I walked into Zayn's house, it was almost exactly how I pictured it; sleek, modern but comfortable with some of his artwork hung up. I knew that he had a room in there that he'd converted to his studio with walls completely covered in graffiti and I really wanted to see it. But the only thing I could really concentrate on, was what was illuminating the room.

Scattered around the living room and leading upstairs were candles, candles that were incased in glass with some way to vent them so air could get in. I don't know, don't ask me. I wasn't really paying that much attention to what exactly they looked like. All I was focused on was whirling around and jumping back into Zayn's arms, burying my face in his neck as I murmured "thank you" and "I love you" in succession. Zayn rubbed circles into my back, turning his head to kiss the soft spot just under my ear, his scruff scratching over my skin.

His fingers threaded through my hair, tugging lightly as I wiggled in his arms, drawing back to look at his small, crinkly eyed smile. I loved that smile, he looked so fucking cute and sexy all at once, I was torn between dragging him into his bedroom and... yeah, that's really all I was thinking about besides how much I loved the dorky romantic that was my boyfriend.

"I wanted this to be special, like the first time you never got, because I was the arsehole that took your virginity in a lift," Zayn chuckled softly, his hands squeezing my butt lightly as he readjusted his hold and started walking towards the stairs. I giggled and bumped his nose with mine, planting a small kiss on his jaw, nipping at it lightly.

"I had the perfect first time, babe. I got you," I assured him, licking over the shell of his ear, feeling the shudder going through his body before I was abruptly dropped onto his bed.

I giggled harder, looking around the room I'd seen a million times over Skype, the soft glow from the candles strategically placed throughout it like in the living room. That's when I noticed the smattering of rose petals that blanketed the bed and my heart melted. I reached out for Zayn and he climbed up next to me, looking incredibly pleased with himself, body draping over mine.

He slowly kissed me, the gentle pressure of his lips and the comfortable weight of his body between my legs sending thrills up my spine. We took all the time in the world, any trace of exhaustion vanishing as our hips rolled together and Zayn's cock began to fill out, no doubt tenting his sweats.

I let out a high pitched whine when Zayn's hand slipped underneath my pants and into my underwear, skillfully rubbing over my clit and making me shiver. I clutched him to me tighter, fingers twisting into his hair as I arched my back. Zayn latched onto my neck, teeth digging into the sensitive and sending me into a tailspin of pleasure.

"Come on baby," He breathed out over my skin encouragingly, soothing the burn of the bruise he left behind on my neck before he pulled back. I whined in protest, cut off when Zayn yanked my shirt up and kissed up my stomach, scruff dragging over my skin as his other hand pressed harder.

"Zay-n," I gasped. He groaned, lips skimming over my heated skin until he managed to tug my bra out of the way and suck a nipple into his mouth. I squirmed underneath him, so fucking close and bucking into his hand.

"Yeah, Shy, come for me, love, wanna see you. Look so pretty when you come," Zayn murmured, tonguing at the hardened nub before nipping at it and sending me over the edge, body convulsing a bit as I came hard, eyes screwing shut.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I'm a total bum for not getting this up sooner. I meant to, but I've just been so out of it lately. Hopefully I'll be able to write a little more now that my Spanish duties are going to fly away (yay!) until next year, but there are no guarentees. After this chapter I think I might go on a little hiatus. I just haven't really been in the writing mood lately but I promise I have plans for this story and it won't stop until I'm finished, so don't give up on me just yet. Love you!

Zayn's POV:

I groaned when I finally pushed into Shy with her legs wrapped around my waist as I held her over my cock, my feet folded under me. Our foreheads pressed gently together and our breaths mingled while I slowly thrust upwards, overwhelmed by how good she felt wrapped around my throbbing dick.

It was a slow burning flame, her skin lighting a fire against mine as we melded together and became one. Our lips moved languidly, Shy's tongue touching to mine, teasing over the roof of my mouth and sending a shiver up my spine. I clutched her closer, drawing in and out as slowly as possible, wanting to feel her squeezing every inch of my pulsing cock as we panted wetlly into each other's mouths.

"Fuck, still so tight for me, love. Almost forgot," I gasped, the drag of my bare dick against her silky walls the best torture I could ever imagine.

It was always easier to press inside once Shylah had come, when she was so fucking wet it was maddening, so the stretch wouldn't hurt her as much. But it never detracted from the clenching heat that had me so close to the edge already.

Shy met the rocking of my hips, her arms encircling my neck as leverage, hardened nipples skimming over my bare chest. I tightened my hold on her, gripping her arse cheeks firmly in my hands, fingers biting into the soft, plush skin.

"You're just so _big_ ," she moaned, grinding down my cock expertly, swiveling her hips in these fucking amazing little circles.

One of her hands threaded into my hair, the other dropping down, thumb rubbing over my nipple. I growled low in my throat, shoving into her harder, reveling in the little gasps that escaped her lips, flicking my tongue out to taste them. She responded eagerly, bouncing on my aching cock and slotting our lips together in a tender kiss, as we made love slowly.

I missed this with her, this physical closeness, feeling so connected. Being away for so long, it was killer, not being able to show her everything I wished I could, not being able to express my love. But she was in my arms, I was enveloped by her hot, wet, tightness, sharing everything I had with her, feeling our hearts beating in tandem and it felt like I was on top of the world.

Adrenaline coursed through me, mixing with the pleasure and the love thrumming in my veins. It was like being up on stage, the thrill and the feeling of being a part of something bigger than life itself. It was indescribable, the intensity of the passion that heightened the simplest things.

It was like her lips were imprinting themselves in my skin everywhere they touched, like the tattoo on my chest, the one she was mouthing over. I grunted, bucking up faster, positively pounding into her, the slick friction bringing us both closer to the edge. Her nails clawed into my back, scraping down, the pain making the white hot pleasure curling in my stomach that much sweeter.

"Za _yn_ ," Shy whined, whimpering as I nibbled at her neck, teasing the satiny skin with my teeth.

"Right there, baby, yeah?" I breathed out, angling my hips perfectly as I fucked upwards, Shylah sinking down on my cock.

" _Yeah_. So close. Fuck, love you so much. Missed you," she keened, burying her face in my neck.

"Missed you too, babe, missed you so much. Want you to come again, not gonna last long," I groaned, biting into her shoulder as I fought off the orgasm I'd been close to having ever since I'd gotten her fully naked and had her coming undone.

Shy let out a high pitched, choked off scream, her entire body tensing up and clenching around me. My eyes screwed shut as I finally burst, shallowly snapping my hips up and milking both of our orgasms before my taut arms loosened and I slipped out of Shy, gently lowering her to the bed.

I carefully blanketed her body with mine, pressing soft kisses to her bruised mouth as we tried to regain our breaths with lazy smiles and hooded eyes. I settled over my girlfriend, exhausted and sated, resting my head on her slightly heaving chest, unwilling to force myself away from Shy.

But I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop. I just wanted to bask in the moment, to draw it out as long as possible. I rested for a few moments, sucking a dark bruise into the skin of her hightest rib, blowing cool air over it before I found the strength to move higher.

I pressed my lips to the side of her breast, tongue licking over her nipple as I trailed kisses down the small curve of her stomach, gently grabbing onto her hips. Shy squeaked, wriggling under my grip and rubbing her legs together, trying to fend me off. I chuckled, blowing cool air on her overheated skin, until she was giggling cute as fuck and squirming in my arms again. I grabbed onto her milky thighs, thumbing over the incredibly soft skin.

"Wanna taste you," I murmured, dipping down before Shy could answer and tonguing at her clit.

Her muscles jumped violently, thighs straining against my grip as they trembled and a surprised gasp fell from her lips. I lightly nipped at her, sucking gently at the small bundle of nerves that had Shy shaking with pleasure as she writhed underneath me.

"Zayn, st-stop. Too sensitive," Shy protested weakly, hips contradicting her as they pushed down on my face as I dove into her center, fucking into her with my tongue and reveling in the whines that filled the room. Christ, it was bloody hot, the way that she moaned, how I could still taste traces of myself, and I couldn't get enough.

"Zayn," Shy moaned breathily, fingers tangling in my hair, evidently trying to decide if she wanted to shove me away or not before settling on twisting the strands in her fist when I swirled my tongue, roaming over her silky walls, feeling the way they contracted around the invasion.

It was over just as quickly as it began, Shy shuddering and bucking up, losing herself to the powerful orgasm as I lapped at her eagerly. I grinned, mouthing hotly over her lower stomach, peppering light kisses up the slats of her ribs, the soft mounds of her breasts, sucking a love bite into her collarbone before I reached her mouth, hesitating. Shylah's eyes fluttered open as she gave me a weary smile before she dragged me down, smashing our lips together and pushing her tongue into my mouth.

I groaned as we kissed and I finally settled down next to her with a pleased grin, tucking my head into her neck as she caught her breath, breathing in the sweet scent of her body wash and shampoo. Fuck, I missed her.

　

Shylah's POV:

"Sometimes it just gets to be a little overwhelming and other times, when we're actually left alone and not getting screamed at, it's weird because we're so used to it," Zayn chuckled sardonically, fingers lightly trailing up and down my back as we lay in bed together, light from the candles flickering on the walls.

I listened intently, sated and tired, floating happily in this bubble Zayn and I had created, not ready to close our eyes yet, just wanting to talk and touch for a while longer despite how late it was. He gave me a weak smile, slightly rough hand sliding from my back to my face, fingers lingering over my lips. I smirked, nipping at his fingertips.

"For a long time it was like I couldn't even breathe and all I heard was the roar of the crowd. Being around people constantly, people that I barely knew, made my lungs heavy. Smoking helped. But I didn't really even know what breathing was until I met you. When I'm with you it feels like before all this happened and we became famous, like I'm just that dorky kid from Bradford," he explained placidly, hooking a leg over my thigh, pulling me closer until my entire body was warm from the contact.

Zayn was my own personal space heater, always so warm and cozy, hard and angular, but soft in all the right places. I curled closer until we were sharing a pillow, smiling and staring at each other, relieved to finally be in the same space again. He pressed our palms together, watching as our fingers entwined.

"Babe, you still are that dorky kid from Bradford. The other day you were talking about DC versus Marvel," I giggled, pressing a small kiss to the back of his hand.

"Oi! There's a difference!" He insisted vehemently.

"I know, I was actually paying attention. I could listen to you talk about the different particles in dirt and still be interested, you know," I laughed as his thumb rubbed over mine soothingly.

"Good, because everything I say is incredibly important," he insisted seriously, bestowing one of his pleased smiles upon me that was filled with so much fond my heart melted.

"It is," I agreed, pressing my nose into the hollow at the base of his throat and kissing the lips tattooed on his chest.

We both fell silent, the quiet of the room and the warmth of being snuggled together lulling us to sleep, wrapped up in each other's arms. Finally.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I got off my lazy bum (metaphorically) and wrote another chapter. I don't know when another will be up. I'm hoping for next Friday but no promises. I have tons of homework.

Shylah's POV:

It was barely light out when the phone started to ring, the unusual gray light filtering in through the curtains of Zayn's bedroom, throwing me off for a moment before I remembered I was in London.

I blearily reached for the beside table, still tangled up with Zayn and felt around for the offensive device, sliding the lock off to silence the heinous ringing. Zayn grunted, whining raspily in the back of his throat as I pressed the cell to my ear, a small smile playing at the corners of my lips.

"Hullo?" I asked tiredly, completely out of it as Zayn shifted next to me with a jerk of his leg as he tried to drag me even closer.

I ran my fingers through his hair soothingly from where it hung limply over his forehead as I listened for an answer.

"Um, hi, is Zayn there?" a distinctly female voice inquired, a maternal tone underlying the soft, melodic way she spoke. Shit.

I immediately tensed, eyes widening as I scrambled to wake Zayn up, nudging him insistently until he opened his eyes to glare and pout on his kiss swollen lips. I shoved the phone in his face urgently until he took it from me.

"'Lo?" he groaned, rolling onto his back with one arm still firmly wrapped around my waist.

The woman - I could only assume she was Zayn's mother - spoke and he chuckled, fingers lightly skimming over my side, tracing the curve of my hip. I shivered under his gentle touch, leaning against his muscular frame and snuggling close, nosing into the curve of his neck comfortably.

"Yeah, mum, I know. But I did tell you about her, like," Zayn replied quietly, the deep huskiness of his voice making me squirm, feeling a slight sting between my thighs when they rubbed together. I smiled to myself. Beard burn.

"We'll come visit before she leaves, yeah?" he promised, hand slipping to the top of my thigh before Zayn was man handling me until I was lying flat on my stomach, half on him.

I giggled, trying to muffle the noise with my palm before I pressed hot, open mouthed kisses to his chest. He stiffened underneath me, softly smacking me on the butt in reprimand, grinning suggestively as he said goodbyes to his mother.

"You really can't do that when I'm talking to my mum. She'll get the wrong idea," Zayn chastised in mock seriousness, a little smirk quirking his lips.

"Or the right one," I giggled, squirming in Zayn's tight hold.

"Mmm, I like that idea. But if I don't get some sleep, I'm not going to be able to roll out of bed, much less get hard," he hummed tiredly, letting out a deep, soothing breath.

I sighed, gratefully burrowing further into his warmth and and swirling my fingertip over the lines of his many tattoos. His bronze skin contrasted perfectly with the black ink as his chest rose and fell with his breath, the steady thump of his heart beating calming me.

I felt his hot skin beneath my palm, skimming my hand over the slight definition of his stomach, reverently tracing over the slats of his ribs. I watched the path of my fingers, eyes fixed on the way that my porcelin skin seemed stark white, pale as a ghost compared to Zayn's tanned complexion.

I was struck yet again by the quintessance of beauty that was my boyfriend. The sharp lines of his jaw and the slope of his nose. The soft curve of his lips and the way that his muscles flexed every time he moved, skin pulled taut. The way that he loved fiercely and openly with the people he trusted but held everyone else at arms length as if trying to figure out what their angle was before finally letting his walls down one by one.

Everything about him, the way that he shone with his own brilliant light, but dimmed it, preferring to let others take the lead, quietly though vibrantly commanding attention. It was breathtaking, absolutely gorgeous in every way imaginable, the way that he just **_was._** Zayn? He was indescribably exquisite, radiant as the brightest star burning in the sky. I couldn't ever ask for a greater miracle than being with Zayn as I basked in his presence. Nothing could have ruined that moment.

Except maybe that knocking at the door. I jerked up, breathing hard as I tried to stave off the feeling of falling, realizing that I was about to fall asleep when the soft knocking from downstairs had permeated the silence and Zayn's even breathing. I groaned and checked my phone, then Zayn's for a text from one of the boys. I figured they'd all be sleeping after their night out but maybe they decided to stop by.

I muffled a grunt in Zayn's shoulder, kissing a love bite that I'd left the night before, stumbling out of bed. I shivered, immediately missing Zayn's arms, and pulled on a pair of his briefs as well as his shirt from the night before. I padded down the carpeted steps, feet shuffling against the cold rug and running to the door, eager to see whoever was on the other side of it.

I unheedingly flung the door open to find ice blue eyes, bleach blonde hair all complimented by a bright smile that happened to freeze in place. I stiffened, the grin that had been building dissapating as suddenly as it had started, as I took in the sight of the tall, curvy girl in front of me. The one whose eyes were roving over me critcally, confusion furrowing her brow. The one who was Perrie Edwards. The one who happened to be Zayn's ex fiance.

"Erm, hi?" I asked uncertainly, one foot covering the other against the chilly wind seeping into the relatively warm house.

"Yeah, hi. I was looking for Zayn," Perrie told me condescendingly, as if she were speaking to a child.

I bristled at her obvious discontent but stepped aside to let her in anyways, swiftly shutting the door behind her.

"I'll just go see if I can wake him up," I replied, trying to keep the strain out of my voice.

"You might want to try just kicking him out of bed or something, he sleeps like the dead," Perrie informed me, sickeningly sweetly.

"Yeah, I know," I assured her, edging towards the stairs.

"Sure you do, love," she smirked, tongue flicking out to lick over her bottom lip.

I raced back up the stairs and jumped back into bed with my boyfriend, plastering myself to his front and tucking my face into his neck, nuzzling him until I felt him stir. Zayn shifted, wriggling under me as his arms wrapped around my middle and a light giggle escaped his lips.  A fucking giggle. I sat on his stomach, pressing my mouth to his quickly, satisfied that he was awake, earnestly pushing my tongue past his pouty lips.

He laughed against my mouth, grinning into the kiss as he flipped us over, wedging his hips between my thighs and bending down to softly capture my lips with his. I kissed him for a moment, reveling in the gentle glide of Zayn's mouth slotting with mine and the way that I was allowed to thread my fingers through his hair. At least for now. Who knew what was going to happen next with Perrie downstairs.

"Why're you wearing clothes? Can't fuck you with clothes on, love," Zayn chuckled seductively, the raspiness of his morning voice deepening the already heavenly mellifluous, dulcet tones.

His hips rolled down into mine as the tangled sheets caught between our legs and I giggled happily as he kissed my neck. I felt his smile against my throat as he nipped at my skin, hands beseechingly roaming under the shirt I'd thrown on, caressing and coaxing me into losing myself in him for a moment.

Zayn's tongue laved over my neck before he was licking into my mouth again, dipping into it's depths. I gasped against his needy lips, an aborted moan stifled and caught by the way that he was eagerly enveloping my mouth with his own. A slightly calloused hand gently grasped my chin, thumb softly stroking over my jaw reverently, like the only reason he did it was to touch me, to feel the smooth skin.

"Zayn," I breathed, reluctantly, pushing against his chest. There was barely any pressure, but he stopped immediately, propping himself with his arms by my head as his golden brown eyes flashed questioningly.

"What, love?" he inquired, nose skimming over mine sweetly.

"Perrie's downstairs waiting for you," I whispered, staring off to the side, gazing out the window.

I heard Zayn sigh before he was pulling away and sitting on the bed, the sheet still wrapped around his waist. The knobs of his spine were poking out as he doubled over to grab a pair of boxers, standing up to yank them on along with a pair of basketball shorts. He ran his fingers through his mussed hair, turning back to hold his hand out to me, clasping mine in his own tightly and lifting them to his mouth, kissing my fingers.

I let Zayn lead me back to where Perrie was sitting on the couch, slumping down comfortably as though she owned the place. Considering how much time she must've spent there, I wasn't too surprised. I felt the his fingers lace through mine as we faced the gorgeous girl in front of us, scrolling through her phone casually.

"So, I see you're back to your old ways now, yeah?" Perrie asked without looking up, tapping the screen a few more times before stuffing her phone back into her purse.

"No," Zayn answered shortly, body still tense.

"If you say so," she snorted, abruptly standing and eyes falling to our joined hands. They softened for a moment, a glimpse of hurt flitting across her face, before those icy eyes hardened again.

"Can we please talk in private?" she implored, taking a few steps forward until she was facing Zayn alone, pointedly ignoring me.

He stared at her blankly, the only give away that he wanted to hear what she had to say was his eyes, the ones that had changed to brown speared with molten gold. My own eyes flicked back and forth between the two before I was squeezing Zayn's hand. He instantly looked to me, a soft smile playing at his kiss bruised lips. I tilted my head to the side and he followed me into the kitchen with an amused look.

"Talk to her, I'll leave for a little while. Li's probably up, I'll go visit him and Niall. Besides, I miss them. And Niall's been trying to get me to let him introduce me to Nandos. Apparently it's a crime of epic proportions that I've never had any," I whispered, cupping Zayn's cheek in my hand, feeling his stubble scrape gently over my palm.

He held my hand there, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, kissing my wrist before guiding my hand to the back of his neck. I stretched on tip toe as Zayn wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly to him and burying his face in my hair, inhaling sharply. He drew back just enough to sweetly press his lips to mine, foreheads resting together.

"I love you," Zayn murmured quietly, our lips still grazing.

"I love **_you_** ," I told him, planting a chaste kiss on his lips before running upstairs and grabbing my phone.

By the time I came back down Perrie and Zayn were having an furious, hushed conversation. Whether it was angry or not, I couldn't tell before I slipped out into the cold morning and headed towards Niall and Liam's shared apartment, flat, house, whatever you wanted to call it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter for whoever wants one :). A little longer than the last one I think. Hope you like it :).

Zayn's POV:

I heaved a frustrated sigh when I heard the front door shut behind Shylah. I fucking hated this. I was inadvertently kicking my girlfriend out so I could talk to my **_ex_** fiance, about what the fuck she was doing in my flat.

"Your taste hasn't improved much. Always did down grade when we broke up. Or were you too drunk at the club last night to realize who you were bringing home?" Perrie inquired coldly.

She was always so sweet, so lovable until she was jealous. Then she could be as icy as Antartica. I made it a point of trying not to provoke that side of her, the one that could tear you apart in seconds with a few mean words.

"Don't start," I practically snarled.

I didn't bother to correct her on anything. It wasn't any of her business and I wouldn't put it past her to spill about me and Shy. Management would be pissed and Shy might get buried with hate from the fans.

"What do you expect Zayn? We just broke up a few months ago and you're already parading girls around your flat! I came here to talk to you about us," she snapped, face crumpling as she sagged.

It was then that I noticed how tired she looked, the rumpled state of her clothes and the exhausted sigh that she let out. I felt awful, felt the guilt start to eat away at me for the first time since we'd broken up. I'd figured that since she was so okay with everything that it wouldn't have effected her. Especially because it didn't hurt me nearly as much as it should have. But that was because I had Shy, I had someone to love, someone who made the slight pain of calling off my engagment worth it.

"I'm sorry, Pez, I never meant to hurt you," I murmured, scrubbing my hands over my face.

"I know you didn't, love, I understand why we broke up; really, I do. It was completely mutual. But, now that we're going on tour together, I just thought... I mean we have so much history, yeah? We love each other, and we were going to get married, and I mean, we broke up because we were never together," she explained, hope shining in her gorgeous blue eyes, her soft, pink lips turning up at the corners.

Fuck me. Honestly, I was proper screwed.

"Christ, of course I love you Perrie, it's just. I'm not **_in_** love with you anymore. I'm so, so sorry. I never thought that this would happen, that we wouldn't be together, but, I just, I can't," I whispered, thumb gently rubbing over the back of her hand.

She nodded slowly, pressing her lips together in a thin line, "I understand. Let't just see how it works out this summer, yeah?"

Again, I try to set her straight, I let her hurry out of the flat, unwilling to hurt her any more than I already had.

I sat there on the coffee table, head hanging, as I tried to banish the image of her disappointment out of my mind. I had a girlfriend to go get. The one Perrie basically called a slag. I snorted and grabbed my keys, throwing on the Nirvana shirt that Shy was wearing the night before. I inhaled deeply, chuckling as Shy's sweet scent clung to the material.

Shylah's POV:

"How worried do I have to be right now?" I asked after I swallowed a piece of chicken. I completely understood Niall's obsession with Nandos.

Niall cackled and threw an arm around me, cuddling closer. I was currently trapped between him and his boyfriend on the couch as we ate and mindlessly stared at the television.

"Nothing at all. From what you told me, he's probably just pissed about whatever she might be saying about you. She's lovely, really she is, but she gets jealous really easily," Niall told me, smacking a huge kiss on my cheek and pressing a sticky finger into the small dimple that appeared with my smile. It was nowhere near as prominent as Harry's but it was there.

"I feel terrible. I mean, I was the reason that they broke up, I was the reason that he cheated on his fiance. I'm a terrible person!" I sighed, setting aside the near empty plate that had been sitting in my lap.

Liam threw a comforting arm over my shoulders, "It's not your fault. I mean, I guess it is, technically-" Niall pinched him on the shoulder and shot him a glare, "-What I meant, **_was_** , that maybe, if Zayn hadn't met you then, he might've met you later. What would have happened if they'd gotten married and then he met you? It'd be even worse. You two were meant to be together, Shy. Anyone can see it. If you were public you'd have tons of shippers." Liam stuck his tongue out at Niall insistently.

"Yeah! They'd all be shipping Shayn!" Niall enthused, bouncing happily in place.

"I was thinking more like Zaylah," Liam argued, waggling his eyebrows.

"No, Shayn, it's two names that make one!" Niall insisted.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, just as they began a heated argument over the ship name for me and Zayn.

Hey love, outside.

I beamed as Niall's face turned red, "Fine, I'm calling Larry Stylinson! They'll back me up!" I kissed both boys on the cheek as I headed for the door. They distractedly shouted goodbye just as I laid eyes on Zayn sitting in his car, idling by the sidewalk.

Zayn's POV:

"Fuck, I'm sorry, love. So fucking sorry about that," I apologized, frantically pulling Shy into my lap and pressing our mouths together.

"It's okay. What'd she want?" Shy inquired, tearing open the fly of the trousers I'd thrown on before I left the house.

"Me," I gasped, clawing at the material of the boxers she was wearing as our hips rolled together.

"Can't have you. Mine," Shy pouted before ducking her head into my shoulder and latching onto my neck, sucking a dark lovebite.

I groaned appreciatively, throwing my head back, hitting it on the car seat, but loving the way pleasure was spreading through my body. I finally discarded the briefs, throwing them to the side and gaining access to her soft, milky legs.

"Yeah, baby, yours. All yours. For as long as you want," I whispered, our lips brushing lightly together.

"Always going to want you. Forever," Shy moaned as I slipped my fingers between us and rhythmically rubbed over her clit, feeling how wet she was. Fuck, always so wet for me.

"Good, never going to let you go," I promised, hurriedly claiming her mouth, pushing my tongue between her parted lips and thoroughly exploring, chasing the perfect sweetness that was Shy.

"Zayn," she whined, wiggling in my lap, right on my achingly hard cock.

"Shit, babe," I whimpered as she freed me from the confinement of my boxers and immediately guided me into her.

My eyes squeezed shut when I was enveloped in her insanely tight heat, her clutching walls sucking me in as she stretched around my cock. I buried my face in her hair, mouthing along the column of her throat, flicking my tongue out to lick over the lovebites I left the night before.

Panting into her neck, I held her close as Shy bounced on my lap, thighs trembling. She worked herself on my cock, fingers twisting in my hair and her lips hovering over mine. I moaned, hands biting into her hips as I guided her movement, helping her lift herself in the cramped space.

Realizing that we were still almost fully clothed went straight to my cock as the zip of my jeans no doubt dug into her bum where it'd been hastily ripped open. My dick flexed and my hips jerked up when Shy sunk down, grinding in these fucking circles. It had me fighting every urge I had to throw us outside the car and fuck her into the asphalt.

It was 'hello', it was 'I'm sorry', it was 'I love you', it was a promise for forever. Because I fucking loved her so much and I never wanted her to think, even for a second that I didn't. It wasn't possible for me to not love her. Shy was the air I breathed. When the past couple of months had been hard, when all the fans had given me hate for breaking up with Perrie, I couldn't regret it even once.

Every time I looked at Shy, when I saw her smile or just looked at the life in her eyes, it made everything else melt into nothingness. I desperately clung to my girlfriend, nipping her neck and licking away the slightly salty sweat. We were wrapped up in each other's arms, molding into one another, her breasts smashed to my chest as we rolled our hips in sync.

Our tongues mingled, tangling together as we breathed each other in, chasing our releases. Shy came first, tumbling over the edge with a sharp gasp, spasming around my cock and sending me hurtling right after her. I spilled inside her, filling her up until my come was dripping onto my jeans as I thrust up a few times, milking us through the aftershocks of our orgasms.

"Love you," Shy giggled breathlessly, pushing my hair back and sweetly capturing my mouth with hers.

"Love you too," I said against her lips, biting at her lower one, reddening the already swollen mouth pressed to mine.

I gently ran a finger over where we were still connected, making Shy shiver and her eyes flutter shut. Her grip on the back of my neck tightened and I groaned, shoving my cock upwards, deeper into her. I felt myself stiffening already. I think it was the fastest I'd ever gotten hard again after I'd just come.

"Fuck, so full," Shy whispers in my ear, hot breath grazing over my sweaty neck as her teeth scraped over the lobe.

I groaned, dragging my blunt nails over her thighs as we fucked again. I wondered faintly if we were rocking the car, if the way that I was driving into her was making the entire vehicle shake. I was grateful that I lived in a gated community no paps could get into because I wouldn't have noticed them even if they were crowded around the car and taking pictures. Not with the way that Shy was so wet, so tight, so fucking hot wrapped around my cock.

I licked into her mouth insistently, barely able to catch my breath, but finding that I didn't give a fuck. All I could do was focus on the way that she was sucking on my tongue, the way that she was scratching down my shoulders as she came on my cock again. I fought my orgasm, trying to prolong it.

"Fucking **_hell_**. Love you," I gasped, dick thickening and jerking violently, throbbing as I came.

"Jesus, filled me up so much," Shy breathed with a tired smile, slumping in my lap as my cock finally started softening inside her.

"Don't ever remember coming so much in such a short amount of time," I panted, slightly reclining the seat as Shy used my chest as a pillow.

I combed my fingers through her hair, leaning over to press my lips to her forehead, nosing along her cheek. Shy tipped her head back, meeting my mouth with hers, slotting our lips together with a happy sigh.

"Wonder if Niam noticed we've been fucking in front of their flat for the last hour," I chuckled against her mouth.

"Doubt it. When I left they were fighting over what our ship name should be," she giggled cutely, nuzzling into my neck.

"What're the options?" I inquired curiously, pushing her fringe out of her eyes.

"Zaylah and Shayn," she replied, slipping a hand underneath the Nirvana shirt and skimming it over my heated skin.

"I like the first one better," I hummed, kissing her temple.

"Yeah, me too," she agreed, playfully flicking my nipple and biting gently at my jaw.

My mobile went off, Niall's name flashing on the screen. I laughed, accpeting the call.

"Stop fucking in the car! And Liam thinks Zaylah's better than Shayn!" Niall yelled, nearly making my eardrum explode.

"We like Zaylah, sorry mate," I informed him pleasantly.

"Fucking fuck!" I heard faintly before I clicked off, tossing aside the mobile and cuddling Shy closer.

"Just break poor Nialler's heart why don't you," she teased, lifting up to bite at my lip.

"Eh, he'll get over it," I grinned, sucking her tongue into my mouth.

Yeah, this week was going to be amazing, even if we did have to go visit my family. My insanely protective, close knit, nosy, embarrassing family that loved Perrie wholeheartedly. Fuck.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here is chapter ten. Not my best work, I'll admit. But, I'm kind of losing interest with this story. It probably has something to do with the other stories that I'm developing right now and knowing exactly how I want this to end, just not how to get there. After this chapter I think I'm going to put this story on a hiatus, so I'll finish it when I get around to it. I'm really sorry, just need a break for a little while. Didn't take much of one between writing this after writing the first one.

Shylah's POV:

"Are you having sex with my son?" I froze, the smile plastered on my face etched there, unyielding as I considered how to answer the question.

Zayn and I had driven to Bradford that morning, hands clasped over the center console as we belted along to songs on a mix that Harry had made a while back that got stuck in the CD player. It wasn't awkward, like I thought it'd be. In fact, the drive was really nice. Yeah, Zayn and I fucked like bunnies, but, I mean. A lot of our time was just spent talking or just being.

He showed me his art room, the one that was just **_his_**. He even let me add my own "masterpiece" to one of the walls. It was just a cheesy heart with our names in the middle of it, but it made us both laugh. That is until Zayn's mouth was covering mine, swallowing the giggles pouring out.

We ate takeout while watching superhero movies, arguing over which superpower is the best. Sometimes the both of us would fall quiet, would just lay there, playing with the other's fingers or hair. Like when we were reading or I was writing and Zayn was dozing with his arms around me protectively, as though afraid if he didn't have a hold on me, then he would wake up and I wouldn't be there anymore.

Then there were the times when I was reminded of how silly and devious Zayn could be. Why he was Louis's favorite pranking partner. How he'd smear batter on my cheek when I was baking or the time I woke up with PROPERTY OF ZAYN written on my stomach in permanent marker.

He had also taken it upon himself to tape down the nozzle connected to the sink so, when I unwittingly turned it on, I was soaked with water. Although, that might've been meant for Harry who had been cooking dinner at the time while the rest of the boys were sprawled in the living room. I just happened to have been the one dumb enough to try and help the curly haired boy in the kitchen. But when I filled his hair dryer with baby powder and laughed my ass off when he tried to use it, effectively showering himself in white powder, Zayn realized that maybe he shouldn't have been messing with me.

It was just so magnificent, the entire week. It was almost coming to a close, and we were taking the promised trip to finally visit his family. Apparently, I was supposed to be prepared for anything and everything. I steeled myself and was met with a boistrous greeting.

It was nothing that I expected. I was welcomed with open arms, with tons of laughs and jokes. His sisters were hysterical, sassy and adorable. His mom was so kind and caring, ever the accomodating hostess. Zayn's dad? Hilarious in a quiet, upright way that you wouldn't expect.

The one thing I was waiting for though was the inevitable interrogation that I was going to be given by Doniya and Tricia at the end of the night before we were supposed to go to bed. I never expected them to get right to the point like they did. Especially considering Tricia's question. This was just between me and them. Zayn was ordered to stay out of the dining room where we were all sitting.

Doniya had her feet crossed on the table, sipping the same tea Tricia was drinking. I was across from them, relaxed in my seat until the inquiry began.

"Um, yes," I finally replied. I decided the truth was the best way to go. I did answer Zayn's phone quite early in the morning and immediately handed it over to him once he'd finally opened his eyes.

"Good, she doesn't lie," Tricia smiled approvingly.

"Not yet," Doniya smirked cheekily, winking at me.

"How many partners have you had?" was the next question fired off, once again by Zayn's mother.

"Sexually? Just one," I told her honestly, biting nervously at my lip.

"Seriously? Zayn was your first? I am so sorry," Doniya snorted into her tea, earning a chastising tut from her mom.

"So you've had boyfriends before?" Tricia prompted kindly.

The atmosphere felt more comfortable, less charged now that the truly awkward questions seemed to out of the way.

"One. Lasted five days," I giggled into my palm.

"Really? Got bored with him that fast?" Doniya asked suspiciously.

"No, it's not like that. I- He was one of my really good friends and we ended up liking each other. But it didn't take long for me to realize that he wasn't what I was looking for. I'm young now, but I was even younger then. There are some things that I'm still not certain about like what I want to major in, what I want to do with the rest of my life. I'm aware that those things are important, and I want to figure it out. But, with everything I've been through in my life, they aren't as important to me as doing what makes me happy. The only thing I've ever really been certain of is that I never wanted some fickle, high school relationship with someone I probably wouldn't see again until the reunion ten years later if I even went to it. I have always wanted a great romance, a great love, someone who made me happy, who not only needed me, but wanted me in their life as much as I did them. I just realized that I rushed into things with my friend because I was lonely and it would have been nice to have someone's hand to hold and I liked him," I explained hurriedly.

"Jesus, you Americans talk fast. But I deem your answer acceptable," Doniya cackled.

"You've been talking to Louis to much," I muttered with a broad smile.

They both cracked up, trying to stifle their laughs by hiding behind the mugs in their hands. I grinned happily, wiggling in my seat and waiting for the next question. It never came. Instead we just talked, swapping stories about funny things Zayn did. I got the best dirt from Doniya, recounting events from their childhood that had my sides splitting.

"Christ, like a pack of hyenas in here. It's like Niall's possessed all of you. Are you done traumatizing my girlfriend, or can I have her back?" Zayn interrupted, loping into the room and leaning against the back of my chair.

I tipped my head back to look up at the easy smile on his face but noticed his tensed muscles and the rigid way he was standing. I turned my attention back to the two women seated across from me, both of them eyeing Zayn skeptically before they let me go. I smiled and said goodnight, Zayn leading me up to the spare bedroom.

I followed him into the room, watching as he tiredly let his shoulders slump and shut the door behind him. He looked exhausted when he spun back around, drained like all his energy had been sapped. I cocked a questioning eyebrow but he shook his head, kicking out of the sweats he was wearing and tearing off his shirt. I hesitantly followed his lead, slipping out of my pants, shirt and bra before pulling Zayn's tee over my head, inhaling his spicy scent.

Zayn fell into bed, leaning back against the headboard and holding out his arms as an invitation. I curiously crawled into his lap, enfolding myself in his arms and allowing him to cradle me close, like I was the teddy bear he desperately needed to cuddle.

I rubbed his arms as his legs wrapped around me and I sunk between them until I was leaning back against his chest. I nuzzled into his neck, pressing my nose into where the vein in his throat was pulsing quickly. Zayn cupped my cheek, thumbing over it and turning his head so his chin was resting on my temple.

"What's wrong, baby?" I inquired, reaching up to grasp his shoulder, shifting between his legs until I was more comfortable and not straining to keep my face in his neck.

"Nothing, love," he sighed, softly kissing my forehead.

"Zayn," I insisted gently.

"It's just, I love being here with them. I loved watching you with them today, seeing how well you fit in, but it takes it out of me. Every time I come it's like nothing and everything has changed all at once. I'm missing out on a lot of things that I wouldn't be if I were here. It makes me wonder what life would be like if I were going to uni and I could come home more often," he whispered, hugging me tighter.

It hurt him, not being able to watch his sisters grow up, to not be able to see his mother and father slowly aging. He wanted to be around for the little things and the big things but he couldn't with his job. It made perfect sense and it was heartbreaking.

"Hey, they love you, Zayn. And even when you're not here, they know that you love them and would do anything for them. I mean, you bought your family a house and you almost started crying when your mom did. You may not be here, but they know that you want to be and that if they really needed you then you would get there as fast as you could," I soothed, digging my fingers into his shoulder.

He smiled gratefully, grabbing onto my thigh to pull me impossibly closer. I don't even know how he managed it but he did. We fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, laying there in silence. I knew there wasn't much I could do to make him feel better. This wouldn't just go away, just like he wouldn't stop being homesick when he was on the road.

"Just sucks sometimes," Zayn finally murmured, breaking through the quiet of the room.

"I know, babe, I'm sorry," I breathed, pecking a small kiss on his stubble studded jaw.

"If you get homesick on tour, just tell, me and I'll get you on a plane as fast as possible," he told me, fixing me with an intense stare, holding my chin steady in between his thumb and forefinger.

"Hey, as long as I'm with you, I'll be fine. I'm already kind of homesick, but I've also never really left home for very long. But, the thing is, being with you is starting to feel like home," I mumbled, ducking my head in embarrassment, fighting Zayn's hold.

He chuckled, tipping my head back, bumping our noses together, "You're like home to me too, love. The flat's going to feel so empty without you."

I threaded my fingers through his hair, tugging lightly. He smiled, nosing along my jaw as my lips sought his. Zayn peppered kisses along my jaw, my neck, behind my ear before licking over the shell of it. I whined in the back of my throat, wriggling insistently. He laughed lowly, finally letting his lips graze over mine teasingly before I yanked at his soft, raven black locks.

His mouth was suddenly enveloping mine, teeth raking needily over my lower lip and tongue flicking out to soothe the sting. I giggled giddily, twisting to meet the smooth glide of his lips, the hot insistence of his tongue plunging into my mouth as it curled around mine. It was charged and passionate without leading anywhere, just the hungry meeting of lips molding together in a practiced simplicity that never really had to be learned in the first place.

"Well, after tour's over, if you're lucky, I'll come and visit," I promised, nipping at his kiss swollen mouth.

"Or you could just stay," he suggested quietly, a slight flush coloring his cheeks.

My eyebrows flew towards my hairline and I pulled out of his arms, turning to settle my thighs over his. Zayn grinned crookedly, sheepishly in fact, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Zayn Malik, are you asking me to move in with you?" I inquired incredulously, positively gaping at my boyfriend.

"Sort of? I mean, by the time the tour is over we'll have been together for about a year, yeah? And if we can get through that without killing each other then why not? I don't think I can go from being with you all the time to only seeing you once every three months or something. Christ, it was hard to deal with it after only spending a few days with you. Can't imagine what kind of torture it'll be when you leave after this week. But, I want you to live with me. I want to wake up next to you every morning like a proper domestic couple like Lou and Harry and Liam and Niall. I know you have to go to school, but could you go here? Or like. You could use the internet? Fuck, I'm rambling. I just don't want to freak you out, or make you feel like you have to decide right now," He blurted.

I think it was the fastest I'd ever heard him speak, and the reddest I'd ever seen him blush. And damn if he wasn't the most fucking adorable thing in the world. I giggled uncontrollably, throwing my arms around his neck and crushing my lips to his.

It wasn't even really kissing, not with the way that we were both smiling like maniacs and laughing through it. It didn't matter either. We just gave up and rested our foreheads together, entwining as Zayn rolled us onto our sides.

"If we can still stand each other then, yeah, I might, possibly, move in with you," I agreed happily, curling into my boyfriend and reveling in his warmth. The warmth of his body, the warmth of his love and the warmth of his promise as I played with the ring on my finger, letting his husky voice replay over and over in my mind like the soft beginnings of a song only we knew.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so there is finally another chapter for you! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get around to writing more of this story! Love you all and thank you for reading!

Zayn's POV:

I really fucking hated interviews. I mean, Christ, don't they have anything better to do than pry? They either all ask the same fucking questions or ask the ones that I really didn't want to answer.

It was our first interview of the tour, the one that had just kicked off the day before with Shy's arrival-I grinned privately to myself for a second, fiddling with the ring on my finger and reveling in the sting on the inside of my upper arm, the one that reminded me of the new tattoo I'd gotten with Shy-and it was miserable.

"So, who's this girl? She's new, yeah?" John or Jack or something like that asked, a picture of Shylah beaming in amusement at Louis's antics appearing on the screen to our right.

I grit my teeth, clenching my jaw tightly as Liam fielded the question, "Oh, she's Paul's new PA, that one. Right laugh too, like one of the lads really. She's just out of sixth form but she's really good at her job so far, like. A real big help with organizing everyone."

"Never met a girl who liked keeping on schedule more," Niall chimed in with a cackle and an eye twinkle.

Yeah, that was management's idea. Didn't want any friction between Little Mix and One Direction or any speculation from the public that would give the band a bad rep. It drove me mad. She was so close now and I couldn't touch her whenever I wanted. The reunion we'd had the night before was fantastic, brilliant, finally being able to touch and please and kiss, but it was only one night. We'd have to sneak around for the rest of the tour.

"Really? Seems like you lads have known her longer, looks like you all get on real well," the interviewer smirked, eyes flashing, looking for any sign of weakness.

I glanced over his shoulder to where Shy was standing on the sidelines, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips. Her plump, puffy, lips, bitten raw not long before. I wanted to taste them so bad. I couldn't get enough, being away from each other for months at a time did nothing to quell the passion that boiled in our blood, only fueled it further.

"Yeah, well, Harold here is a right charmer, and we all know that my wit is exceedingly impressive. Who wouldn't get along with us?" Louis bragged with a cheeky grin and a wink thrown in to distract from the heart eyes I was making at my girlfriend, the one who was slowly licking over her lower lip and mouthing that she loved me.

I watched as she thumbed over her hipbone where she had gotten her first tattoo, the one that was the "forever" to my "always", fingers slipping just under the hem of her shirt. I bit back the groan building in my throat, wanting nothing more than to take her back to my flat and trace the letters with my tongue as I teased her mercilessly.

A sharp elbow dug into my side and I snapped my head up to glare accusingly at Niall before I noticed everyone was looking at me expectantly.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention," I apologized, hesitating before I added, "Shylah was making funny faces."

The interviewer craned his neck around at a sheepish Shylah who was blushing from being brought into this. I grinned at her tauntingly, with an eyebrow waggle just before Jack/John swiveled back around.

"I was just asking how you're doing considering your break up with Little Mix memeber, Perrie Edwards. Must be awkward going on tour together," he smirked, a sadistic gleam in his eye.

And of course, there's that question, the one he's been dying to ask and the one I've been trying to avoid.

"I'm doing fine thanks. It's a bit hard, but it's been a coupla months and I'm doing really well. We're still really close friends, and we both wish it could have worked out differently but it was just time to call it quits. Both of our schedules are hectic at best and we rarely ever see each other. When it comes right down to it, I'll always love her, she's a lovely, lovely girl, but it was time for both of us to move on," I answered, eyes flicking back to Shy who was giving me a sympathetic smile and nod of her head.

"But, you are going on tour together. Don't you think that'll dredge up some old feelings?" he prompted.

I really didn't like him.

"No. Not anything like that. We've talked about this and like. We know that breaking up was the best thing to do for the both of us," I replied curtly with a tight smile that told him I was done talking about this.

Everyone expected me to still be in love with Perrie, expected me to be pining away but I really couldn't. The only problem was that no one could know the reason why I was over Perrie completely without question. That reason was our new "personal assistant" who helped us get places. I mean, so far, Shy has kicked my arse out of bed so I'd be in time to get to this stupid interview, but only because she was already awake, lying in bed next to me.

She just lay there, softly humming as she gently shook me awake, peppering my face with kisses until I was blearily opening my eyes with a happy smile.

"Well, that's good, I'm glad you two still get on. So, tell me more about the tour, what's going to happen?" Jack/John requested, his expression slightly downtrodden without an exclusive on me and Perrie.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes and looked over to Shy again, just watching her where she was slowly turning in circles, trying to entertain herself. I was in love with a dork. Peas in a pod, we were.

 

 

Shylah's POV:

I was running on adrenaline, racing around the arena with the boys as they took a break before the show. Louis was on a skateboard, yelling and shouting at all the crew members who happened to get in his way, Harry was half naked, dodging security, and Niall was on his Segway. Liam was off somewhere, probably not making Paul's life hell while Zayn was chasing me through the narrow hallways.

I was bent on leading him back to the dressing room where Caroline and Lou were waiting for the boys, knowing that he wouldn't notice where we were. I sprinted the best I could. I was fairly fast and changed direction well, but I ran out of steam quickly, my body not used to the strain. I finally found the right door just before Zayn caught me, wrapping me up in his arms.

I was laughing, the sound of Zayn's full body chuckle ringing throughout the corridors and reverberating in my chest from where we were pressed together. I curled around his forearms, fighting against his tight hold as Zayn swung me around, smoothly setting me on my feet before spinning me around and crowding me up against the wall.

"Hello, love," he grinned, breathing barely ragged while I panted.

"Hi," I beamed back, pushing my hips into his, arms winding around his narrow waist.

"So, now that I've caught you, what do I win?" he asked quietly, fingers slipping into my waistband and thumbing over my first tattoo.

I winced a bit, not used to the tenderness of my skin but basking in the sharp pang that shot through me, "Nothing until you get ready. Can't have you being late. I want to see you on stage for real."

It was going to be amazing. I knew it. But being able to see Zayn do what he loves, see him sing his heart out and hit those high notes that he tries so hard to reach was going to be awe inspiring. He had taken my breath away many times before, but it was going to be a completely different experience to see him on stage.

"We'll make it great just for you, yeah?" He smiled, lips stretching over his perfectly straight white teeth as they bit into his tongue, gently bumping our noses together.

"You're fantastic all the time," I assured him, threading my fingers through his hair.

"Yeah, well, you make me better, so it's all your fault," he teased, forehead falling to mine, lips gentling over my cheek.

I balked at the idea, shaking my head as I stretched to press a soft kiss to his pouty lips, sucking tauntingly at the lower one. Zayn groaned, leaning impossibly closer to claim my mouth with his, tongue delving inside possessively, roaming and curling expertly, purposely eliciting a breathy moan.

"Oi! Snogging in the corridor is strictly forbidden mate!" Louis heckled as he sped past, smacking Zayn on the head and sending us tumbling to the side, almost falling over from the momentum as we laughed.

I was high on life, soaring from the happiness thrumming through my veins. Nothing could bring me down. I was on tour with my boyfriend and my new family made up of four crazy boys and the people that make One Direction possible.

******

I could hear everyone screaming, cheering and whooping, waiting for the boys to take the stage from where I was off to the side. It was deafening, honestly. I wasn't sure how they all did it, but I couldn't help but want to join them. I had never been to a concert in my life and now I was watching five people that I absolutely adored go out there and perform.

Long, wiry arms wrapped around me, pulling me back against a hard chest as scruff rasped over my cheek and a chin settled on my shoulder.

"Overwhelmed yet?" Zayn murmured, breath tickling across my skin as his lips ghosted over my neck.

"Not in the slightest. It'll take a lot more to scare me away, babe," I giggled, melting into his embrace, letting him hold me up.

"Gonna get much worse," he warned, swaying gently as everyone bustled around.

"Loved you then, love you still," I started, turning my head, to mouth over his jaw.

"Always have, always will," Zayn finished, finally meeting my lips and completing the rhyme we'd come across when searching for couple tattoos.

I hummed happily into the sweet, lingering kiss, reveling in the feel of his soft, slightly chapped mouth moving with mine, the way that our tongues tantalizingly tangled. I loved these moments, the ones that we'd been stealing throughout the chaotic day, the privacy we created for ourselves.

A soft cough had us reluctantly breaking away, nuzzling closer for a moment before finally pulling apart to turn towards the interruption. Liam was standing there with a soft smile on his face, crinkling the corners of his pretty brown eyes.

"Perrie's going to be backstage soon, along with the other girls. Might want to hide out for a bit Shy," he suggested sympathetically.

I nodded, stretching to press a kiss to Zayn's cheek, the burn of his stubble remaining even as I let Liam lead me back to the dressing room.

Of course, the disappointment of being dragged away from Zayn was lessened when we walked in on Louis and Harry being lept upon by Niall as they all fought over the last bag of Doritos. Most likely stolen by Lou, Harry arguing that he should give them back to Niall, and the Irishman getting tired of their fight, just wanting his chips back. Fucking adorable, my new family was.


	12. Chapter 12

Shylah's POV:

It was incredible, the screaming, the music, the heady atmosphere that corrupted the air. Everything was bigger, brighter, more exciting than anything I'd ever seen. Watching them sing their hearts out, the way that the tendons strained in their necks, it was all so intoxicating.

I was entraptured, completely captivated by the way that Zayn moved, the way that his jaw seemed to be shadowed by the lights and his eyelashes swept across his cheeks every time he tipped his head back on a high note. And the complicated riffs that he seemed to sing perfectly had shivers racing up my spine. It took everything I had to stay planted where I was, utterly awestruck by his beauty, and not drag him backstage to fuck me into oblivion.

They raced offstage for a quick change and I followed them to the dressing room, watching as they hurried to get into their next outfit.

"You're doing great out there, absolutely amazing," I breathed to Zayn when he paused to smile at me.

"Proper smashing it, we are. Feels brilliant," he grinned, leaning over to plant a swift kiss to my lips, mouths barely touching.

I craved more, something was just welling up inside me, bubbling over from the anticipation. I was getting an adrenaline high just from the proximity and I felt like I would burst at any moment. That's when Zayn yanked his skinny jeans off, his toned, thin legs revealed. But what drove me crazy was the briefs his was wearing. Seasame Street with Elmo, Grover, Burt and Ernie depicted on the front, 'Boys on Tour' written across the waistband.

"Fuck," I murmured, hardly audible to anyone else but, apparently, Zayn.

His head whipped up, an eyebrow cocked and a questioning look transforming his brooding features. He followed my line of sight, eyes flicking down to his boxers before they returned to my face with a smirk.

"My mum bought them for me. They're my lucky pants," he explained.

I nodded mutely, eyes still glued to the blinding magnificence of my boyfriend. They roved over his olive skin, more on the pale side from not having been out in the sun recently but still gorgeous, smooth and velvety when I reached out to skim a hand over his bare chest while everyone moved around us.

Zayn caught my hand, trapping it in his long fingers, pulling me closer and capturing my lips with his. It was slow, a hot, scorchingly sweet kiss that had my entire body blazing with need from his sinful tongue.

"Want you in my mouth, want you so bad, fuck, Zayn. Want you to fuck my mouth," I whispered hurriedly, lips trailing to his ear as a groan was huffed into the air.

We hadn't actually tried it yet, hadn't talked about it since that night on the phone, but I suddenly wanted it, needed it to happen. Wanted him to take control and use me, wanted to do that for him, feel him full and heavy on my tongue.

"Christ, yeah? Yeah. After, fuck, okay, shit, I have to get ready, love," Zayn stuttered, mouth crashing on mine for a furious kiss before he jerked away with a dazed look on his face and a slight bulge in his boxers.

He dressed frantically, sprinting back out to the stage with one last heated look thrown my way.

 

 

Zayn's POV:

I was buzzing, floating, exhilarated by the entire night. Everything was stand out in my mind with Shylah there to share it with me, to see me do what I loved almost more than anything. The only drawback was going onstage half hard from the breathy way she whispered dirty words in my ear, promising me something that I hadn't considered in a while.

I threw myself into the performance, giving it my all, trying to focus so I wouldn't end up getting fully hard in front of thousands of people. I didn't want the outline of my dick all over the internet.

But as soon as we said goodnight and were finally able to shower and change, my mind started to race with all the possibilities of what was to come. I didn't even notice that Shy wasn't waiting off to the side. Didn't realize until I was being pulled into an empty storage room, sweat rolling down my back and forehead as my shirt was nearly ripped over my head.

"Fuck, you look so damn hot, so sexy Zayn," Shy nearly moaned, nimble fingers working on my belt buckle as she kissed down my chest, hot tongue flicking out over an already hardened nipple.

I was burning up from the inside out, sweaty and gross but I couldn't stop her, couldn't find it in myself to wait any longer. Not when she was mouthing wetly over my boxers along the hard, thick line of my cock. I groaned, threading my fingers through her hair, scratching at her scalp as they tightened on the wavy locks.

"Couldn't stop thinking about this, could barely contain myself, wanted to just drop to my knees for you in front of all those people, didn't care," Shy told me as she pulled my achingly hard dick from my pants, pumping it a few times in an incredibly soft, small hand.

Her full, plump lips stretched around my cock as her hot, silky tongue flicked over the head, licking at the slit and tasting the precum already gathering. My breath was caught in my throat and I could barely handle it when she took me further, cheeks hollowed obscenely as she looked up at me. Her hazel eyes shone, glistening as she stopped, held onto my hips and waited, waited for me to fuck into her mouth.

"Yeah? You want my cock? Want me to make you choke, love?" I asked tauntingly though unable to keep the fond from my voice.

Shy nodded, lips still wrapped securely around the head of my dick, an aborted whine bubbling up.

My grip on her hair tightened as I slowly fed my cock into her mouth until I could feel the back of her throat against the tip, fluttering and sending white hot pleasure coursing through me. I grunted, pulling back before pushing in a again, slowly, letting her adjust to the intrusion before Shy urged me faster, fingers digging into my sides before dropping away.

I whimpered involuntarily as she gave up any and all control she had, just willingly letting me abuse her already swollen, red lips. My hips snapped forward, cock plunging into Shy's throat and she simply swallowed around me, moaning with a high whine that sent vibrations ricocheting throughout my body with a surprising intensity. I nearly doubled over with how amazing she felt.

"So good for me. Yeah, fuck, doing so well, love, so good at taking my cock," I gasped as Shy choked a bit, overwhelmed and glassy eyed before pushing past it.

Her mouth was hot and wet, tongue insistently licking at the underside of my throbbing dick the best she could as I thrust forward. I lifted my free hand, cupping her cheek, thumbing over the bulge where she was hollowing them and my cock stretched her mouth.

The sight was beautiful, my gorgeous girlfriend on her knees, moaning around my cock, face flushed and tears streaming as I fucked her mouth, guided her with the hand fisted in her hair.

"Christ, so pretty with your lips around my cock. Shit, love you so much, feel so good, babe," I huffed out, orgasm swiftly approaching.

If it were anyone other than Shy I'd be embarrassed about how quickly this was going to be over, but I really couldn't be. Not with how she was sucking so hard and moving her tongue just the right way, not with how she just took me into her throat and swallowed around my length.

"Fuck, gonna-" I choked out before my orgasm was practically torn from my body with a violent shudder and a string of curses mixed in with the chant of Shy's name, white spots dancing behind my eyelids.

When I finally recovered enough to look down, Shy was easily taking my load, letting the hot come slide down her throat before she pulled off. Taking me in hand, her tongue lapped at my softening dick, licking me clean before she tucked me back into my pants. The ones my mum fucking bought for me. Jesus.

I gently tugged at Shy's hair, massaging at her scalp as she rose unsteadily to her feet, hands coming up to anchor herself using my chest. I smiled gratefully, ragged breath starting to even out as I leaned forward to claim her mouth.

Shy eagerly pressed her lips to mine, fingers curling against my bare skin softly, making goosebumps spread from her touch. I groaned as I tasted traces of myself in her mouth, the way that the slight bitterness clung to the crevices where my tongue roamed and tangled with hers.

"Brilliant," I breathed, lips still brushing together, and a moan from Shy greedily taken by my mouth, wanting to keep every little sound for myself. Especially the way she sounded right then, her voice fucked out from the abuse.

"You're so fucking adorable, couldn't help myself," Shy rasped, lips grazing over my jaw, teeth nipping lightly enough to leave a mark that would fade away by the next day.

My grip on her hair tightened instinctively and I drew her mouth back to mine, wanting to lick away any other taste but ours.

"Have to go shower, need to get on the bus so we can go," I sighed regretfully, pressing my lips to Shy's forehead, finally letting my fingers slip from her hair and to her cheek, thumb stroking over the impossibly soft skin.

"Mmm, I'll wait for you," She promised contentedly, carefully turning my arm to lightly trace over the tattoo there, smiling at it's meaning.

"You could just come with me, yeah? Don't think anyone'll notice, like. Niam and Stylinson do it all the time," I chuckled, grabbing my shirt and lacing my fingers through Shy's.

She giggled, that cute fucking giggle where she scrunched up her nose and the small dimple in her cheek popped out. I couldn't help but beam back at the blush coloring her pale cheeks and the slight sheen of sweat, or the way that her pupils were blown wide, lust shining brightly.

I poked my head out, making sure that no one who would care was about before I emerged from the overbearingly hot, sticky room with Shy in tow. We made it to the showers undetected for the most part, laughing and "dancing" our way down the corridor, twirling each other around.

It wasn't long before we were under the hot spray, Shy's hands soapy and slick trailing down over my back, suddenly pinching my arse and making me flinch.

"Oi!" I yelped, spinning around to catch her in my arms before she could try to escape as she laughed, smacking a foam covered hand to my chest, gently scratching over my nipple.

I hissed with pleasure and nipped at her bottom lip, teeth scraping over it until she shuddered a bit. I grinned, letting the swollen, reddend lip spring free before I was cupping her bum in my hands and easily lifting her from the ground. Her legs came up to wrap around my waist as her arms were lazily thrown around my neck, fingers massaging into my hair what I assumed was more soap.

"You're absolutely ridiculous," I chuckled, pressing Shy's back to the cold tile and making her squirm a bit. I grabbed my shampoo, pouring some into my hand before scrubbing it into her hair.

"It's a nice ass," she shrugged as nonchalantly as she could whilst being pinned to a shower wall.

"Not much there, babe," I snorted, pressing our chests together so she was resting on my hips, bodies aligned perfectly while we washed each other's hair.

"Enough for me to grab while you fuck me," she murmured teasingly, hot breath fanning over my wet shoulder just before her lips were pressed there, searingly hot and electric.

Goosebumps spread immediately from the contrasting heat hitting the droplets of water as Shy's nails dug into my back.

"Is that your way of begging for my cock? 'Cause you're gonna have to do better than that, love," I mouthed the words into her skin, lips dragging over her collarbone, teeth sinking in when I found a spot I liked, sucking harshly.

"No-ah!-Just making a point," Shy gasped, hips jerking involuntarily when I latched onto the side of her breast, rolling the delicate skin between my teeth, a huge love bite blooming.

I wanted to mark her, to show everyone that she belonged to me. I thumbed over her tattoo lightly, smirking at the knowledge she'd marked herself permanently for me. Just for me.

"Mmmm, really? So you don't want me to fuck you? Don't want to be split open on my dick? Feel me pushing inside, so fucking deep while I run my hands all over your perfect body?" I breathed tonguing over her perky nipple, gently biting.

Fuck, her voice was so raw when she whimpered, grinding onto my stiffening cock, writhing against me, struggling against my hold.

"Are you quite finished or are you actually going to shag?" a high pitched voice asked, startling the both of us.

I practically jumped out of my skin, Shy slipping a bit from my grasp before I was able to catch her, muscles straining for a moment before she was securing her grip on me.

"Fuck, Lou, coulda told us you were here mate!" I cursed, Shy straightening out until she could feel the ground with her toes, easing herself down until she was firmly planted.

"What fun would that be? Hurry up! Paul's wondering where you are. Told him you fucked off somewhere to smoke," Louis called, cackling as he left the room.

I sighed, pressing my forehead to hers, letting myself settle. "C'mon, love."

I could feel the exhaustion blanket me heavily, as the bright flourescent lights shone down on us in the bathroom. Shy took the edge off, made sure that the desperate energy bouncing around in my body after every show had been seeped out. Somehow, she calmed me, riled me up, had me willing to follow her off a cliff if she wished all at once and it was completely astounding.

"Yeah okay, wanna see if we can fit into one of those bunks," Shy nodded with a small giggle, lips brushing over my cheek as she sauntered out of the shower, emphasizing the swing of her hips as I watched. She peeked coyly back at me over her shoulder, winking before disappearing around the corner of the stall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, hopefully that wasn't too bad. I've never really written a smutty scene like that before. Fingers crossed you like it (:


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for eating disorders

Zayn's POV:

It'd been a month since the summer leg of the tour started up and I could tell something was off with Shy. Could see the distance in her eyes and the pain that was settling itself in her core. Saw it in the way that her smile never seemed to reach the brilliance it had before.

I wasn't sure what was happening but she was spending more time by herself, clamming up and retreating. We still went at it like crazy, exploring each other's bodies until we had relearned every single curve, bump, edge and even after then. But she would always pull the covers up, hiding her body.

It didn't sink what was happening until I was asked about it in an interview, when a fucking random person pointed out something I hadn't noticed. And it made me feel like I was the worst boyfriend in the world. Because it never even crossed my mind.

"So, we've noticed that your new PA has gotten a lot of hate from the fans lately," Richard, some Austrailian bloke, mentioned.

I tore my eyes away from where Shy was smiling privately to me on the sidelines as usual, head whipping over to pay attention to the screen.

Fan comments appeared, each one of them more disturbing than the last. Almost all of them about Shy's weight or appearance and it suddenly hit me like a freight train as I looked back to my girlfriend.

She was standing there with a stony expression, avoiding all eye contact as I examined the way her body was different. Shy hadn't been eating as much. Her hip bones were a little more prominent, her legs and arms were slimmer as well as her face. Cheekbones that had once been hinted at in a flattering way were now sharper.

And it ripped me apart. I was absolutely gutted as I stared at the girl I loved, taking in the changes I hadn't noticed because they were too gradual, too subtle until you were shocked into realization.

It was uncharacteristically quiet on set, the boys all reading through the tweets and tumblr posts displayed, brows furrowed. Liam was the most visibly furious, the rest of them a close second. The rage that pumped through my veins, that had red flashing behind my now closed eyelids, was overwhelming as I tried to get a handle on it. I couldn't give anything away.

"Surely it must bother you that a member of your team, that you all seem to be particularly close with, is getting targeted by the public," Richard continued when no one had said anything.

"I think it's properly mad, like. Saying these things about Shylah, or anyone for that matter, is horrendous. I have no idea where this came from but it's bloody ridiculous. She doesn't deserve that at all. No one does. Honestly, that girl is one of the best people I've ever met," Liam replied cooly, a steely glare fixed on the screen.

"And what they're saying? It's completely untrue. She is absolutely lovely, quite beautiful, actually," Louis tacked on, glancing at Harry with concern.

I'd never seen the curly haired lad look so angry. The intensity of his gaze, and the thought lines deepened in his forehead had me wanting to glower along with him. But I couldn't. All I could do was sit and watch helplessly as the interview continued, trying to formulate a plan to show Shy how gorgeous she was, how perfect I thought she was.

It just- it hurt. It made my entire chest tighten as if I had someone kneeling on it, suffocating me. Because if Shy hurt then I hurt and I couldn't stand it. She'd been through so much in her life, so many years had already revolved around her weight and how she looked. I knew how hard it was for her. How difficult it was to claw her way out of the darkness that had become her mind because of her anxiety and her eating disorder.

Whispered conversations pressed together, sticky with sweat and utterly sated had my mind swirling with confusion, of how that could've happened to someone who deserved so much more than she got. Listening to the way that she talked, the way that she told her story, so quiet and afraid. It was like she was just waiting for everything to effect her again, to come back to haunt her and now it was. It had come back all because of the fans, the **_fans_** , had buried her under a barrage of criticism and it infuriated me.

 

 

Shylah's POV:

I walked into the hotel room embarrassed and seething. Nobody was supposed to know. Especially not Zayn. Not him. He didn't deserve the have a fat girlfriend. I was trying to make myself into someone who deserved him, and Zayn deserved everything that I wasn't.

Like Perrie. Why he would ever leave her for me was absolutely baffling. I was nothing compared to the gorgeous girl who used to be his fiance, the one who was currently on tour with all of us and seemed to be around every corner. She was there, laughing and joking and charming everyone.

The fans adored her, praised her, looked up to her. All they saw me as was the stupid fat whore who let One Direction use as a submissive toy. I'd already found the fanfics, the ones where I let them do whatever they pleased even though they all treated me like dirt.

I saw all the tumblr posts about how I was probably causing all sorts of problems, that I was probably only on tour with the boys because I slept with one of the higher ups. But there were the arguments about how I was so hideous that no one could possibly have sex with me without doing it in the dark and putting a bag over my head.

All I saw was endless beratements from how I looked to how I dressed to the flaws in my personality. And none of them knew me, but it hurt. It hurt so fucking bad because there were those who had picked up on the fact that Zayn and I might be in a relationship and every single one I'd found detailed everything that was wrong with that assumption because of how ugly I was.

I hadn't even noticed it, but each time we went to get something to eat, every time I thought about food I just wanted to throw up. I just didn't want to eat. I couldn't eat. Not if I wanted to be beautiful. And I wanted to be beautiful for Zayn, wanted him to see me as beautiful, not cringe every time he saw my naked body. I wouldn't be able to handle a look of disgust from him, not when he was so devastatingly exquisite.

I kicked angrily at the bed we shared - on the days that we were all in a hotel - and sank down. I could feel the emptiness, the ache of my sore muscles, and the light headedness creeping up on me. I knew that I needed to eat something, craved everything, but knew that I couldn't eat. I needed to keep my fat ass mouth shut and stop fucking eating everything in sight. If I could just be strong then I would feel better, happier; would look beautiful, would be worthy of Zayn.

It was when I flopped backwards that I finally noticed the big white box, the one that dug into my lower back and crumpled a bit under my weight. Of course it did, I hadn't even lost that much weight. If I had then people would've noticed.

I groaned in complaint and turned over on my stomach, hesitantly removing the white lid, peering into the shallow cardboard box. Pink tissue paper shined back at me and a stark white note was resting in the middle. I reached for that next, immediately recognizing Zayn's unusually messy handwriting. It was most likely written in between the slew of interviews required of One Direction that day and I had left after the second one.

_**Shy,** _

_**Put this on and meet me on the roof at 8:00 pm sharp, love.** _

_**Just me and you. Want to take you on a proper date.** _

_**I love you,** _

_**Zayn** _

_**P.S. Always, darling. Always.** _

My breath caught in my throat as I read over the note five more times for an even six whilst thumbing over the tattoo on my hip. **_Forever._**

I wasn't sure what to expect when I peeled back the delicate paper, but it wasn't what I saw. The Nirvana shirt Zayn had insisted I wear, the one I had flaunted every chance I got when we were apart was folded neatly, a soft pair of shorts underneath to complete the outfit. They wouldn't be visible with the shirt but it definitely had me puzzled.

I sighed and put them on anyways despite eight o'clock being hours away, just wanting to fall asleep for a little while and forget everything. And I did as Zayn's scent consumed me, the spicy, heady smell wafting from the front of the shirt, enfolding me in it's warm embrace.


	14. Chapter 14

Shylah's POV:

I woke up to a gentle jostling of a bed as a long, lithe body shifted behind me and a shorter, stockier one shuffling in front of me. I snuffled tiredly, nuzzling into only a slightly familiar neck before I finally registered it felt like a sauna. Cool air from the conditioning unit was keeping the overbearing heat from swallowing me whole but it was still stifling.

I blearily opened my eyes to find Niall's bright blue ones blinking sorrowfully back at me. Two pairs of legs were tangled with mine, one of my calves hitched up over Ni's thigh with the other trapped underneath Harry's lanky limb.

I squeaked a bit as I struggled to sit up, weighed down my heavy, muscled arms, keeping me in the middle of a One Direction cuddle puddle, the only person missing being Zayn. Niall and Liam were curled up in front of me with Harry and Louis snuggled behind, all of them touching me in some way. Random arms and fingertips grazing my shoulders, draping over my waist and even some toes dragging across my shin.

"What the hell?" I rasped, voice thick with sleep.

None of them said anything, just staring up at me as I wiggled around, trying to readjust while I was covered with boys.

"You guys are ridiculous. I'm fine," I insisted hollowly, trying to get a full breath as I pushed my sweaty bangs from my forehead.

"No you're not Shy, we can all see it. We thought it was just the stress of the tour and being away from home for the first time. If we'd known that this was happening we would've said something," Liam began, reaching over enclose my bony wrist with long fingers.

"I didn't want any of you to worry. This is my problem, not yours, you shouldn't have to deal with me being stupid," I sighed defeatedly.

"You're not stupid Shy," Harry ground out, the steely edge to his voice shocking all of us.

My head snapped over to him, taking in his furrowed brow and clenched jaw.

"You are not stupid. You will never be stupid, this is not stupid. Zayn told us about everything, and you've hinted at it too. We aren't blind, love. We've noticed."

"And those people? The ones that claim to love us? They turn on us just as quickly for making mistakes. We know what it's like so don't be afraid to come to us or break down, because we've all been there when it's become so overwhelming we just want to quit. And don't be afraid to lose Zayn because he won't leave you. Not even if you scream and shout and yell and tell him you don't love him," Harry continued.

It was slow going as it always was but the deep timber of his voice resonated and made each word he spoke sink in. They melted into my skin, ringing throughout my body with reassurance and caring.

Tears dripped down my cheeks, wetting them quickly before I was able to wipe them away. I fell back into the pile, letting them comfort me, letting them whisper about how it was all going to be okay. It was hard to believe, so hard to accept. And the biggest part of me didn't accept it, just let them do it because I loved them and I knew that this was just as much for them as it was for me.

Because when you're on the outside watching you feel almost as helpless as the person inside does, knowing you can't do anything. That nothing you say will make it better.

So I breathed. I breathed and I cried and I laughed when I could. For them.

　

 

Zayn's POV:

I stood on the roof overlooking the city, letting the breathtaking surroundings wash over me and wishing that I could explore, that I could take Shy on a real date. It was torture, trying to stay away from her, not blowing off the rest of the interviews and immediately following my girlfriend to the hotel.

Even when we were free to go I had to force myself up to the roof to arrange everything, to truly surprise Shy. The only thing able to keep me calm was the long drag of the cigarette secured between my pursed lips as I waited for the inevitable. Shy would always come. Forever, just like she promised. If there was thing that I never questioned it was that she loved me, even with the whirlwind of our lives.

I heard the distant scrape of the heavy metal door grating against the cement of the rooftop and I turned, smiling softly at the nervous, jittery girl whose expressive eyes were darting around. The mesmerizing hazel of them landed on me, the hard, guarded disposition gentling into one of fond recognition.

I stubbed out the cig and strode over to her, enveloping Shy's delicate hand with mine, thumbing over the paleness contrasting with the tan of my own complexion. She smiled weakly at me, wary, eyes shifting from me to the cheesy setup in the middle of the roof.

A small, two person table with a snowy white table cloth, a single perfect rose kept in a vase in the middle of it. Simple, beautiful, nothing overdone, just like my girl. A quiet elegance that didn't make a big deal of itself. And I knew that she loved it the moment her eyes lit up and the small smile broadened into a full on grin.

I draped my arm over her narrow shoulders, feeling how the once somewhat padded bones devastatingly dug a bit into my forearm. My fingers curled around her thin arm, biting into the soft skin underneath my Nirvana jumper as I guided her to the table, sitting her down before rounding to the other side and slipping into my own chair.

"Stop staring at me like that," Shy said quietly, gaze intense as she studied my face.

"Like what, love?" I asked gently, covering her hand with mine to stop the nervous fidgeting.

"Like I'm broken and you need to fix me. I know I'm messed up Zayn but I don't want you to look at me like everyone else does. I can fix myself. I did it before and I can do it again," she replied gloomily.

"I know you can do it by yourself. But you don't have to this time. I love you, Shy. You're not alone and whether you like it or not, I'm going to help you. I can't stand knowing that I did this to you. I took you away from home and put you in the spotlight. I am so sorry. I hate seeing what they've done to you," I lamented, hanging my head as I ran my fingers through my hair.

Shy's hand pulled out from under mine, the softness of her skin making the slide easy and I instantly missed the mild warmth. I heard chair legs squeak and jerk over the rough concrete and I peered up curiously, afraid that she was leaving.

Instead Shy gracefully made her way towards me, falling into my lap with an air of relief, hand cupping my cheek. Her thumb swiped over my top lip, slowly tracing over it and grazing the smooth skin above it. She felt the smoothness of my face, the difference of when I'm clean shaven. I wanted to be ready for what was to come even though I knew she loved the stubble.

"None of this is your fault, Zayn. None of it will ever be your fault. You are the only thing that keeps me breathing on the days I feel like I would be better off dead," she paused when my fingers squeezed her waist tighter and my breath caught in my throat at the thought of life without her.

"You brought me back from the edge more times than I could count. You made all the time we were forced to spend apart bearable because I knew that we'd always find a way. You're the one, Zayn Malik. The one who means more than life to me, the one who makes any pain that I feel worth it. I promised you forever and I plan to give you that, it just- it won't be as easy as we hoped," Shy murmured, lips brushing over my cheek, smudging sweet kisses over my jaw until our mouths met.

I sucked in a sharp breath as my fingers threaded into soft, wavy locks, thumb and forefinger gently tugging at her earlobe. Every tumultuous emotion poured into one heart stopping kiss, the soft roll of her tongue curling around mine whispering each and every painful truth that she'd held back.

I practically jolted us out of my seat when the sound of the door resounded in the seemingly silent evening. Shy stood up quickly, twirling back into her seat with an obvious smirk on her reddened lips as we waited for the hotel employee rolled a trolley overflowing with food next to our table.

A man in his early twenties smiled politely, mouth tight in a practiced courtesy before he left without a word and Shy cocked a questioning eyebrow. I just chuckled, tongue tucked between my teeth as I smiled mischeivously and I gestured towards the food. She regarded me skeptically, lips pursed consideringly as her eyes roved over my face.

"Are you trying to stuff me full of food?" she inquired suspiciously, already knowing the answer.

"We are going to eat until we can't take one more bite. Then, we're going to go back to our **_empty_** hotel room and take advantage of the fact that we can be naked without worrying whether or not one of the lads is going to happen upon us," I beamed happily, linking our fingers together.

"I don't know..." Shy trailed off.

"I do," I asserted with an encouraging smile.

I knew she would do it. She would do anything for me and I was just going to wait until she finally accepted that her being healthy and happy was all I wanted, no matter what she looked like. Because, even if she didn't believe it, she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

So we gorged ourselves, stuffing as much food as possible into our stomachs until they were bulging. And then we sat there, looking out at the skyline as the sun slowly retreated, receding behind the tallest of buildings and streaking the dusky blue with pink and gold.

"Why did you want me to wear this?" Shy asked once we'd returned to our room, kicking off her shoes.

"Because, I think you're gorgeous no matter what you wear. I also quite like seeing you in my clothes," I snickered, catching her in my arms and pulling her to me, carefully pulling the collar of the Nirvana shirt aside and pressing my lips to bare skin.

"Want you to tell me what you don't like about your body, want you to expose yourself in every way possible. Gonna kiss everything better, gonna make it all okay, show you how beautiful you are," I murmured, hot breath ghosting over the most sensitive part of her neck, nipping at it teasingly.

"Zayn," Shy protested warily, trying to turn in my arms, to escape the request I'd made.

"I've got you, love. Always got you, yeah? Nothing to be afraid of like. S'just me," I breathed, teeth grazing tauntingly over her collarbone as I bent to reach, thumbs rubbing soothing circles into her prominent hip bones.

"Okay," she agreed shakily, stepping back to hug herself before reaching down to peel her top over her head.

"Okay," Shy repeated, reaching out to me, extending a quivering arm as she seemed to radiate nervousness.

I enveloped her body with mine, lending her my strength and reveling in the softness of her melding to my hard muscle before I was lifting her up, carrying the light girl to the bed. Was ready to show Shy just how much I adored every single part of her.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, nervous about this chapter. Never written anything like this, but I really wanted to, and I tried. So hope you like it!

Shylah's POV:

I whimpered as Zayn's fingers gently teased me, dancing along my body, lightly tracing a line between my hips. I had cringed when he'd told me to take my clothes off, to expose my body once I had stuffed myself so full of food just like the weakling I was. But it was Zayn, and he'd asked me to trust him.

"Do you trust me, love?" Zayn had inquired, the sound of metal clinking as he revealed a pair of handcuffs tucked under the mattress.

I gulped but nodded, fidgeting from where he'd had me lay naked on the bed, "Of course."

He pressed a soft kiss to my mouth, reaching up to cuff my wrists together above my head through a slat in the headboard.

"Gonna show you how perfect you are. Don't talk unless I ask you a question, darling," he murmured, lips brushing over mine teasingly, breathing life into me with his words as my heart beat faster in anticipation, eager to see what was in store, but nervous nonetheless.

Zayn's slightly rough hands smoothed over my breasts, thumbs pausing to flick over my nipples, before sliding over my ribs, fingers finally digging into my hips. I shivered with every light brush of his fingers as he explored, feather light touches bursting with electricity as I struggled to stay still.

"Safeword?" Zayn asked, head dipping to suck a nipple into his mouth, rolling his tongue around the peak, gently raking his teeth over it.

I jumped, biting back a moan as I tipped my head back, lost in the sensation, feeling the warmth spreading throughout my body. He was in complete control, pinning my hips to the bed, and I was at his mercy, tied there by my heart and my wrists.

"Safeword," Zayn demanded softly, nipping harshly at my inner thigh, sucking what will no doubt be a dark bruise into the delicate skin, pleasure blooming internally even further.

It was as if I were buzzing as his lips trailed upwards, skimming over my skin, leaving behind succulent kisses. I gasped as he latched onto my collarbone, settling between my spread legs as he did, looming unthreateningly over me, promising love and hope and acceptance. I tugged at the cuffs, trying to free myself as I whined, desperate for his mouth on mine.

Hot breath hit my wet shoulder, goosebumps erupting in the wake of the warmth settling over me. Zayn chuckled, white teeth flashing as his strong hand cupped my jaw gently, commanding my attention. I whimpered as he hovered, pouty lips just an inch away, the feel of him hard against me sending a fire blazing through my veins. Want thrummed through me, making my heart cry out in exasperation and urgency.

"Shylah," Zayn insisted, a slight curve to those perfectly shaped lips, the fullness of them taunting.

"Batman," I breathed in answer, straining to reach the sweet mouth, yearning for the torturous tongue.

"Good," he whispered, reverently cradling my cheek as he finally claimed my mouth with a tantalizing edge, lips molding to mine.

"Tell me what you don't like," Zayn requested, breaking away and slipping a skilled hand between us, fingers gently rubbing over my clit, plam hot against my overheated flesh.

I moaned lowly, writhing against him, trying to push into his hand, to arch my back, to wrap my legs around his waist all at once, just wanting him close, closer. Wanted to feel him, to feel the hard planes of his chest and the rolling of his narrow hips, the muscles in his back working and his thighs clenching, dick throbbing as he fucked into me.

"M-my tummy. That's the worst," I whined out, yanking at the cuffs now, breath ragged as I was forced closer and closer to the edge.

 

 

Zayn's POV:

I shuddered as my knuckles brushed over the head of my already leaking cock, Shy keening from my hand, from the way that I was breathing over a hardened nipple. She was so pretty, spread out for me, at my disposal, subjecting to every little touch I gave her, hanging on every word.

"Your stomach? 'S cute, not too toned, a little rounded and so soft, perfect for when I want to sleep on you. Love your stomach, love imagining you full of my baby. Love the way that when I fuck you I can see my cock in you, see the outline," I chuckled in her ear, nibbling at the sensitive lobe and pressing her further into the bed as I draped my body over hers fully.

Shy sobbed out a soft moan as she came, cuffs rattling against the wood of the headboard as she desperately pulled at them. I groaned, burying my face in her neck, gripping a slightly smaller than usual breast in my hand, thumb stroking over it.

My cock ached, balls heavy and full from how I was kneeling, begging for anything. But this wasn't about me. I bowed my head further to bite at her neck, smudging frenzied kisses there, loving her, burning my love into her skin in every way I could.

I took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent of my girlfriend before I pulled back, scooting a bit down the bed before sinking my teeth into Shy's belly, sucking cruelly at the soft, pale skin. It clenched and contracted underneath me as she quivered through yet another orgasm almost immediately following the first from my never ceasing fingers.

I marveled once more at how it easy it was to get Shy to come again after the first time, grateful she was responsive enough for this to work. Her chest was heaving, her body jerking through the pleasure, tensing and relaxing until I finally let up.

"What else, love?" I prompted further, silencing any response with a frantic kiss, hot tongues curling around each other.

It was dirty and messy, teeth nipping at already swollen lips, tongues being sucked into each others mouths as I grinded my cock against Shy's leg, groaning appreciatively at the much needed friction. I swallowed any hint of a moan, eagerly licking into her mouth and getting lost in the intensity.

"Thighs," Shy choked out when I finally trailed down to her neck, rolling the sensative skin between my teeth.

"Why? So lovely. Perfect, soft, feel so amazing wrapped around me when we're cuddling or when I'm holding them open," I argued, hands pressing her milky thighs apart as I trailed wet, open mouthed kisses down her body, tongue flicking out to swirl over every bite I left behind.

I dipped between her thighs, lapping at her clit, groaning softly at how good she tasted, how much I loved every single thing about this girl. Shy pushed against my hold instincively, toes pointing as I dove in further, plunging my tongue into her depths, licking along the silky walls just in time to feel them clenching before fluttering in another orgasm.

"Z- ** _ayn_** ," Shy gasped, a high pitched whine vibrating through her throat.

I grinned, pressing one last sucking kiss to her clit before straightening up, stiffened back protesting slightly.

"Please, please. Need you, need you in me, Zayn, please," she begged, face flushed, body covered in a thin sheen of sweat, still twitching a bit from aftershocks, legs flopping to the bed on either side of me. Her arms still struggled with the cuffs, wrists trying to free themselves so she could touch me.

She was so fucking ruined, wrecked, voice a bit hoarse from practically screaming, clawing at the metal her wrists were trapped in. I nodded, in no position to argue with the state I was in. I was so hard I could barely think straight, could barely process what she was saying.

I could only keep nodding like the complete wanker I was, falling forward, lips crashing together, teeth clinking slightly as I guided my cock to her entrance. I was trembling almost as much as Shy was, her glossed over eyes pleading with me, hips lifting to meet mine as I slowly pushed into her tight heat, a shuddering growl ripping it's way out of me.

I almost collapsed when I was fully buried in my girlfriend, just as overwhelmed as she was by what was happening, drawing out slowly and drowning in the feeling of the thought hindering drag of bare skin wrapped around my pulsing cock. I didn't know how I could possibly last, how I could actually make love to her without coming embarassingly fast.

I needed to make her come again though, wanted to make this as amazing as possible. My hips hitched as Shy wrapped her legs around me, heels digging into my arse cheeks, urging me deeper. I whimpered as I slid further in, the tip of my dick rubbing over her g-spot, inducing a heart stopping clenching around my cock that had me dropping my head to see myself disappearing inside her.

"Fuck, so good, baby. Can you come for me again? Come on my cock, yeah?" I begged, so fucking close, balls tightening and threatening to spill as my ragged breath hitched, catching in my throat as Shy dazedly ignored me, incoherent murmurs falling from her parted lips.

But I could feel it, feel the way that she tightened, the way she clutched at my dick before she finally let go, back arching obscenely as she positively screamed, eyes rolling back into her head. I gasped, a strangled moan wrenched from my parted lips as I reached my release, come being fucked into Shy with sloppy thrusts as I milked our orgasms.

I collapsed, pressing kisses to a pliant Shy's neck as my body liquified. My hands pet over her, appreciating each curve and percieved imperfection as I whispered how bloody brilliant she was.

I got no response and when I finally looked up, my heart flew into my throat, Shy was spaced out, eyes still glassy, cheeks flushed.

"Shy? Shy, baby? Love?" I inquired, carefully slipping out of her and rolling to the side, smoothing her damp hair from her face as I cuddled her close.

A violent wave of panic crashed over me with a breathtaking ferociousness. What the fuck had I done? I searched for my trousers frantically, fingers fumbling with them as I hurriedly dialled Louis's number.


	16. Chapter 16

Zayn's POV:

"This better be good, I was busy, mate," Louis snipped, the sound of rustling on the other end tipping me off to the exact nature of his activities.

I shook my head, yanking on some pants before I carefully wrapped Shy up in the duvet, pulling her close, between my legs as I leaned back against the headboard. I combed my fingers through her hair, lips pressed to her temple.

"I don't give a fuck, Lou. I think I broke my girlfriend with my dick, get your lazy arse over here," I rushed out quietly, worriedly glancing down at Shy.

"Yeah, yeah, we'll be right over," he cackled, choking on his spit as I rang off, tossing my phone to the side and cradling Shy closer.

"Did so good love, so good. Fuck. What'd I do?" I whispered, nuzzling closer.

It only took a few minutes for all my bandmates to come tumbling through the door, harried looks adorning their features as they took in the scene before them, cautiously approaching the bed.

"You fucking twat, I thought something was wrong," Louis scoffed, peering closer and climbing up on the bed, kneeing over to look down at Shy.

"Something is wrong, Louis! She won't talk to me, she's not even moving," I hissed, glaring.

Niall cackled and hopped up, cuddling close, "She's fine, mate, she's just...Floaty."

"What the fuck does that even mean, like?" I demanded exasperatedly as Shy snuffled and burrowed into me.

I pressed my lips to her forehead, tightening my hold on her, desperate to understand.

"It means, that you fucked her into sub space," Louis announced delightedly, settling in on my other side and patting my arm knowingly.

"Sub space?" I repeated, looking to Liam and Harry who were giggling like idiots at the foot of the bed before they were crawling into the fray of tangled limbs.

"Yeah, like, floaty, she's up in the clouds. You just have to cuddle her and tell her how good she was and stuff, until she comes back. 'S a pretty great feeling though," Harry explained slowly, a dreamy look in his eyes as he smirked at Louis who proceeded to flush furiously.

"Okay, okay," I agreed, the tightness in my chest loosening as I propped my chin on her shoulder, lips grazing her ear lobe as I pleaded with her to come back to me, told her how amazing she was for me.

"I love you, Shylah," I breathed, peppering her skin with soft kisses, squeezing her pliant body closer.

"Mmmph," she hummed, sloppily turning her head to bury it in my neck, shifting in my arms until she was curled up perfectly in my lap.

"Hey, love?" I inquired, thumbing at her bottom lip, tracing over it.

"Love you. Forever," Shy murmured, nipping at my thumb as the guys snickered, slowly filtering out with lingering glances at her blissed out face.

I sunk down in the bed, keeping Shy completely enveloped in my arms as we settled in. She was immediately asleep and I smiled as I watched the worry lines in her face smoothing out. I sighed contentedly, slipping away into unconsciousness listening to the steady beating of her heart.

******

When I woke up the next morning, I'd slept terribly. I was absolutely shattered, on edge all night, jerking awake at every tiny noise or movement Shy made. I'd finally managed a few hours when I felt soft lips grazing over my cheekbone. I couldn't even hear as she padded over the carpet, only knew that she'd made her way into the bathroom once the sound of the shower running drifted out of the open door.

I groaned, scrubbing a hand over my face before rolling out of bed and stepping out of my Topmans, shuffling until my feet hit cold tile. I shut the door behind me, unwilling to let the steam escape as I climbed in with Shy, hooking my chin on her shoulder and snaking my arms around her stomach.

"Thank you," she murmured, melting back into me, utterly relaxed.

"For what, love?" I asked quietly, just loud enough to be heard over the sound of the water hitting the ceramic of the tub. At least, I think that's what it was, couldn't really tell.

"For last night. For loving me. For just being," she replied, craning her neck around to press her face into my neck, lips gently mouthing over it.

"Nothing to thank me for, babes. Can't help any of it. Bound to happen, everything, like. Couldn't stop it if I tried," I assured her with a short giggle when her tongue flicked out over the ticklish spot on my shoulder.

She hummed lightly pressing her lips to mine before squirting shampoo into her hand with a laugh at the sound, slopping it into my wet hair and massaging my scalp. I cackled, doing the same as we cracked up, plastered together as we pathetically tried to wash each other's hair, sneaking in kisses.

"Zayn?" Shy broached cautiously, facing away from me as I dug my thumbs into her shoulders, fingertips biting into her collarbone, releasing any tension I could.

"Yeah, love?" I leaned forward, smearing a kiss to her cheek just to see the barely there dimple pop out.

"You know what you said last night? About my stomach?" she inquired meakly, peaking out of the corner of her eye.

"Which part?" I prompted, tracing paths along her spine with deft fingers.

"The part about seeing me pregnant," Shy whispered, as if we were sharing the biggest secret in the entire world.

I nodded, pulling her closer until her back was flush against my chest, tucking her away in my arms.

"I don't know..." she paused, taking a deep breath as I rubbed circles over her sides, hands sliding wetly.

"I don't know if I can have kids. What I've put my body through...it could mean complications. And I don't know if I could handle it mentally. My first instinct would be to stop eating as soon as my stomach started to pudge out," Shylah explained, words falling out of her mouth at a break neck pace, quietly settling over me with a heaviness I didn't expect.

I could feel her tensing, like she was getting ready for me to run, to leave her and never look back. Kids were generally a part of the plan for me, had always been in the back of my mind, but I loved her, loved her more than anything and if we had to adopt then I didn't care. Whatever she needed.

"Kids are a long ways away, love. Not even in the near future. You don't have to worry about it. We'll figure it out when we get there. And when we do, whatever you decide, whether you wanna try or if you want to adopt or not have kids at all, then I'll be okay with it," I promised, kissing her shoulder reassuringly, as she nodded and seemed to breathe again.

******

"Would you be willing to go shopping with me today?" I asked when we were dressed and relaxing, warily eyeing the overcast sky.

Shy cocked an eyebrow, glancing up from her laptop screen, her fingers still flying over the keys as she silently questioned me. I knew she was probably writing something or emailing her mother. Knew she'd be resistent to risking shopping in public because of how the fans react to her and because of her insecurities.

"Want to get you some clothes. Thought maybe we could start being more open about our relationship, like. Y'know, slowly making appearances together without confirming anything?" I suggested.

She stopped typing, staring at me in consideration before setting the computer aside, lacing her fingers together and swinging her legs over the arm of the chair.

"I don't really like you buying me things," she sighed finally.

I nodded but didn't say anything else. Sometimes Shy just needed time to think things over. It never took long, it amazed me how fast her mind worked, how quickly she could bounce ideas around. I'd heard the process that helps her come to a conclusion, and it's like her mind throws a million different things at her at once. It's fascinating. One minute she'd be considering what she wanted for dinner and the next she'd be contemplating why trains aren't more popular or American schooling versus British.

"Yeah, let's go. If I think about it for too long, I'll end up over analyzing. I just wanna be with you," she smiled fondly, the slight curve of her luscious lips brightening her face.

She landed lightly in my lap, curling up and pressed her mouth to mine with a content hum, arms wrapping around my neck.

"Good, 'cause I'm tired of hiding you like. Stupid really," I grinned against her lips, teeth tugging on the bottom one.

"Managment?" she asked between each chaste kiss, wiggling around until she was straddling me.

"Already dealt with. Don't give a mother fuck what they think anymore, yeah?" I chuckled, hands slipping underneath her shirt, gliding over her back.

"Then let's get out of here. Maybe if you're lucky I'll model some things for you. Need some new underwear," Shy teased, rolling her hips into mine before she gracefully lifted off, walking away with a swing in her step.

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I would just like to be very clear that I never expected the story to go this way. But it did, and I really hope I don't screw this up (:. On that note, please don't hate me, bear with me, and I hope you like it anyways.

Zayn's POV:

We took Louis and Liam with us, Lou was always up for shopping and Liam... Well Liam was willing to help us with anything. And he apparently needed a new snapback. Besides, the more boys came with us, the less suspicious it would look for Shy to be there. We wanted people to speculate, not give them any ammo to hurt Shy with.

We broke off from the boys as they lingered inside one shop and ran through the rain pouring down, laughing delightedly. Rain meant no one wanted to go out. No one would really take notice of the two people running down the street from shop to shop, not when they didn't seem to bear any resemblance to someone they knew.

"We're getting soaked!" Shy shouted happily, accidentally colliding with my chest as we took cover in a deserted alleyway.

I held her close, arms wrapping around her waist as we caught our breath, bodies pushed together hotly, fighting against the cold of the rain. I peered around, checking to see if anyone was milling about.

"Zayn," Shy murmured, fisting my shirt in her hands to catch my attention.

I flicked my eyes back to her, satisfied that we were alone, and caught the glint in her eye, the softness of her expression.

"Yeah, babe?" I whispered. I cupped her cheek, fingers slipping into her damp hair and tracing over her full bottom lip with my thumb, waiting for her answer.

"Kiss me," she prompted quietly, leaning closer, eyes never wavering.

I grinned with a soft chuckle eagerly capturing her lips flexing as I gripped her tighter, shallowly dipping Shy backwards as our mouths melded together. The icy rain seeped into our clothes, but the heat emanating from her kept me warm as I inched as close as possible, tugging and pulling until we were aligned in every way.

I clawed at her shirt, desperate to feel her skin, just needed more. I sighed into her mouth when my hand finally connected with her lower back, flattening against it. Shy whimpered lowly, arching into the touch as she giggled, sucking my tongue into her mouth, the intensity of it sending a groan tumbling from my throat.

I laughed nipping at her lips, spinning and gently pinning her against the brick wall, foreheads pressed together.

"Always wanted to know if kissing in the rain was as great as everyone said," Shy breathed.

"Yeah?" I waggled my eyebrows, diving to bite at her neck, teeth scraping over the delicate skin, leaving behind a red mark that would fade in the next couple of minutes.

She let out a shrieking giggle as she writhed in my hold, cringing away instinctively.

"Yeah. It is," she affirmed, shivering slightly in my arms, whether from the cold or the way that my fingers trailed over her spine, I wasn't sure.

"C'mon. I believe there was something said about you modeling clothes for me, yeah?" I chuckled, nosing over her jaw to her ear, biting gently at the lobe before I reluctantly pulled away, letting her hand slip from my grasp.

******

The rain let up. That's what ruined everything. The rain stopped and the sun fought it's way through the din, weak rays of golden light spearing their way through the dark clouds. We didn't even notice, too busy laughing and trying on ridiculous outfits while Louis and Liam took pictures.

We were all hunched together, pulling silly faces, ignoring all the signs of trouble to come. Enjoying each other's company, just messing about and having fun on the rare occasion we were actually left alone.

But it didn't take long for it to start. Shy was changing into skimpy lingerie at my request, furrowing her brow and gnawing on her lip in hesitance, obviously still self conscious but she did it anyways, glancing around before she pecked my cheek and disappeared.

Louis and Liam had fucked off to look in the men's section, allowing us some privacy. We should've known three of us would draw a crowd, should've known we couldn't get away with going out undetected like we did in that small shopping mall outside of LA.

It seemed like only seconds before the entire shop was surrounded by a mob of fans, all of them screaming and pushing, trying to make their way inside the locked store. Liam and Louis were by my side in a flash, calm and collected, Louis on the phone with Paul, asking for more security. The only men we had with us had followed at a discreet distance, and guarding the front of the store, looking menacingly out at the crazed fans.

I pushed my way into the dressing room, startling Shy and hurriedly telling her to get dressed. That is, of course, after standing there awestruck for a moment at how the black lace contrasted so beautifully with her smooth, pale skin, emphasizing her curves and accentuating her breasts.

"Fuck, um, we're getting that for you, yeah? Gotta go though, fans are gathering, already tons of them waiting outside," I told her hurriedly, pressing my credit card into her hand before planting a hard kiss on her lips and ducking back out as Shy gazed dazedly after me with a pleased smile.

I rejoined the lads, shifting nervously as we waited for Shy who came bursting out not long after, a bundle of clothes for the both of us in her hands. I jerked my head towards the till, shooting her a look that convinced her it wasn't time to argue about me buying her some things. Most of what she had was for me anyways.

It happened when we dove headfirst into the crowd, all of us holding firmly onto each other. When Shy's hand slipped from my grasp, was yanked and we were separated. I tugged at Louis's hand, whipping my head around, searching for her in a sea of unfamiliar and frantic faces.

I could hear Louis shouting at me to keep moving, but I couldn't, she was gone. I knew she was with Liam and Paddy, knew she was alright but she wasn't with me. Her fingers weren't entwined with mine and I couldn't fucking find her.

It was a split second, one moment I was turning in a circle, desperately looking for my girlfriend and the next an elbow was flying towards me. I was knocked to the ground hard, my head slamming against the cement of the curb. Everything was fuzzy, blurring before it all went black.

 

 

Shylah's POV:

Two days Zayn didn't wake up. Just lay there with the constant beep of the machines he was hooked up to as they recorded each steady beep of Zayn's heart. His even breathing was the only thing that kept me sane as I sat there for hours, just watching him, looking for any sign of consciousness.

The boys came and went, floating in and out, making calls and arguing with management. They made me eat, bringing me fast food. I didn't taste any of it, couldn't focus on their hushed chatter, just stared at Zayn, searching, waiting. The only conversation I remember was with Tricia, softly murmuring into the phone as we both tried to keep calm, to keep from losing it completely.

Perrie showed up at some point, poking her head in when I was in the bathroom. I wasn't sure what she wanted, why she was there. But she had loved him longer than I had. She had been with him longer, almost married the man that I loved with every part of me, she probably deserved to at least know how he was doing.

So I let her have her space, let her talk all she wanted while I wandered around, Liam guiding me to the cafeteria. I numbly sank into a seat, taking in the bags under my friends' eyes, seeing the worry radiating from the different colors, all of us slumping through the day.

An hour later I was back beside Zayn's bed, in an uncomfortable chair, my head propped on my arms as I tried to fight sleep. I hadn't slept in more than 24 hours, lids drooping involuntarily before I finally passed out, dreaming of nothing and everything.

I felt the movement subconsciously first, making me jerk awake as Zayn shifted in bed, coughing a bit as his eyes squeezed shut. It took everything I had to stop myself from jumping on him, from smothering him with kisses and strangling him with a never ending hug. I settled for curling my fingers around his thin wrist, his hands clenched into fists before his gorgeous caramel eyes opened.

He blinked furiously, relaxing as he let his head flop to the side so he could stare at me. I smiled gratefully, tightening my hold, afraid to hurt him by doing anything else.

"Zayn," I breathed reverently, reaching to cup his cheek, needing to touch, wanting to make sure this was real.

He flinched away, wrist wrenched out of my grip in alarm, "Who are you?"

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating a bit early this week. Going to be busy tomorrow and I'm not sure when I'll be home. So here is the next chapter for you all! (:

Shylah's POV:

He still didn't know who I was. Couldn't remember the past year, everything that we'd been through, all the love that we shared. The boys told him that we were really close, told him that I was just Paul's assistant.

It tore me apart, seeing him in that bed staring blankly at me, tensing up every time I cam near, asking to see Perrie. Perrie, because of course he'd want her. Want her because he knew she was on tour with them. Louis had told him so. Now all I could see was confusion constant on his face as he tried to puzzle through why they'd broken up and hadn't gotten back together.

I was on the outside, watching him struggle to remember everything that had happened while Perrie held his hand and spoke softly. She didn't know everything, wasn't in the picture where I was there every step of the way the past couple of months.

I couldn't help but think of all the things that could remind him of me. Thought of his flat in London, of all the evidence in our hotel room that I'd been there. But most importantly, the ring. The ring that he only ever took off to shower and wash his hands. The one with my name and a date in it. Something that he couldn't ever see until he was ready, until he remembered.

I closed my fist around the ring, the one I now wore around my neck, the one that matched my own. I sighed and sank down in an uncomfortable hospital chair, accidentally banging my head against the wall behind it and rattling the faux glass.

I could feel my face heat up as I glanced around warily, searching for anyone I'd disturbed. There was no one about, not a soul in sight so to speak. It **_was_** late and I was the only one still standing guard outside Zayn's room, eye lids drooping wearily.

It was what seemed like hours later when Perrie left without a second glance spared for the girl slumped over in the seat right outside the door. I waited until I was sure she was gone before I snuck into Zayn's room, sliding into an empty chair.

His eyes blinked open and he gave me a polite smile, "I hear we're quite close?"

I nodded tiredly, "Yeah, close as two people can get."

I fought back the snort building at my words, not wanting to startle the beautiful, hurt boy.

"A bit strange, this. Can't remember you but I just- I feel like I know you. Like, just- I don't know how to explain it, really. Proper confused, me," he chuckled kindly, eyes shining with faint recognition.

"You'll remember. The doctor said you would. Then it'll be alright," I assured him, wanting to touch him so badly in some way.

"Just bloody confusing. Can't remember. I want to remember you. I want to remember the past year, why I broke up with Perrie. Why I hurt her," he sighed, running thin fingers through his long hair.

"I can answer any questions you have," I offered nervously, glancing to where his hospital gown sleeve was starting to slip, two letters of a new tattoo he doesn't remember getting starting to peek out.

Zayn gave me a skeptical look, cocking an eyebrow as the corners of his lips curled up in a lickable smirk. It was a look I'd kissed off many times before and yearned to do so again. Wanted to climb into bed with him and curl up against his chest or have him wrapped up in my arms, trying to make himself small when he felt the need to be protected.

"Right, then, I supposed you know everything about me, yeah?" he scoffed disbelievingly.

"You've told me a lot. Probably not enough to know everything, but I know enough to care about you, to love you, to try and help you," I insisted calmly, honestly too tired to be anything other than eerily placid.

He would come back to me. He had to. We were fate, or something. Something came into play that day when we met on the elevator, some unknown higher power or reason. I don't know, all I know is that something like love at first sight didn't exist in my mind before Zayn's eyes burned into mine. Before we whispered secrets into each other's skin and his touch was branded into every part of me.

"I just don't understand. I don't know how to trust a stranger," he growled in frustration.

I hesitantly reached out, moving slowly until my fingers could slip through his in an easy, familiar way. Zayn stared at our joined hands, turning them this way and that as he studied the contrasting skin tones, the perfect fit, mouth parted slightly in a muted yet awed look.

Hazel met hazel when his gaze flicked to mine in question. I gave him a weak smile and he knew. Knew that he wasn't alone, that I was there, would always be there, and that he had known me once.

"I know, I know you don't remember, but I **_do_** know you, and I'll always be here whether you have your memories or not," I murmured quietly, careful to not let the endearments, the emotion pour out of my mouth like they had so many times before.

But it was working, whatever I was doing. I could feel the way that he was melting, his stiff grip relaxing in mine. We sat there for a while, not even looking at each other sometimes, but still holding hands. I nearly jumped out of my skin when Zayn's thumb rubbed gently over mine, experimentally, cautiously. My eyes snapped to him and I smiled a bit, returning the gesture, feeling the roughness of his knuckles and the smooth skin between them.

 

 

Zayn's POV:

I was so fucking confused, couldn't possibly fathom where I was or why Perrie and I weren't together anymore. We were going to get married. But somehow I was in a hospital bed with everyone fussing over me, doting and careful of what they said. It was driving me proper mad like.

I couldn't remember anything from the past year no matter how the boys quizzed me. And then she was there, the girl I'd been asking for, smiling softly and quietly, fond written all over her face. I wondered again why I'd ended things, why I had given up on us for such stupid reasons.

She wouldn't tell me, I don't think she knew but it was nice to just be there with the girl I had loved. Apparently it was past tense, the love we had. I wasn't sure I'd ever get used to that thought, honestly. Was more than a little surprised that I'd found a random girl clutching at me when I first woke up and not my fiance, the woman I'd just proposed to. Then again, that wasn't actually true I supposed.

I didn't understand it, couldn't wrap my damaged brain around the fact that I was alone. Until-who I was told was-Shy, Paul's assistant, walked into the room. She just had this presence about her, this calm that settled the discontent buzzing beneath my skin. Her eyes, hazel and expressive, pleading with me. For what I wasn't sure but I knew that I could trust her, knew from the moment she finally touched me again that I knew her. I just really wished I remembered.

But every time I tried to think, tried to grasp some semblance of a memory there was a sharp pain in my head. It was like my brain was taunting me with a glimmer of the past before yanking it away with a harsh throbbing. It was so fucking awful, aching with the intense need to have all the answers to my muddled questions. I wasn't even sure what to ask anymore, who to ask it of, who I even was. So much can change in a year, in a few moments even. It only took seconds for me to lose 365 days of my life.

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's almost over! Ahhh, I can't believe it. I don't want it to be over, but I think I have the perfect ending. At least for me to feel satisfied (:. But here is the next chapter! I hope you like it at least half as much as I love all of you!

Zayn's POV:

Everything was happening so fast. The world was whirling around me in a hazy blur. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it was a dream, but I couldn't help the panic that was eminent. It was bleeding into the scene as I swiveled around, turning every which way, trying to find my way out of the sea of unfamiliar blobs. I knew they were people, knew they were screaming in excitement as I was caught in the middle of them.

I couldn't hear or see anything else it was all dim but glaringly bright at the same time. I didn't know what was going on. All I knew was that I needed to find someone. I needed to find her. She needed me. I searched frantically, desperately squinting, trying to get one of the smeared faces to come into focus but I couldn't. It was just a mass that continued to morph between something solid and individual bodies, all pressing forward.

"Zayn!"

I whipped my head around. I could hear the desperation. I had to get to her. I had to save her. I fought my way forward even as I felt a tugging and a familiar voice insist that she was okay.

But who was she? Who was the girl? Perrie? No, that much I knew. I yanked my arm away from the strong hand it was gripped in and tore my way towards where I thought the voice was.

It just kept replaying in my head, she wasn't even saying my name anymore. I just knew that she wanted me, she was worried. She shouldn't be worried. She was all that mattered and I had to get to her, felt like I was so close. Almost there when I was forced to stop.

An errant elbow was thrust itself in my way and I fell. I fell and everything stopped. It all stopped.

******

I jerked awake, my head screaming in protest to the movement.

I was alone again, I thought at least. There were soft voices speaking in the room, obviously not paying attention to me. I didn't mind, I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to move. I just wanted to remember. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted familiarity. And Perrie. She would be able to help. She was always good at that.

The distinctly male voice faded away and the faint click of the door sounded in the room. A heavy sigh followed and the sound of shuffling alerted me to a continued presence, one that didn't seem to be moving.

"I know you're awake. You're terrible at faking, never that tense when you sleep," Shy informed me.

I cracked an eye open and gave her a sheepish smile, finally facing the disgusting time of day called morning. She looked exhausted, as if she'd barely slept in days. But maybe she had taken the time to clean up. Shy was wearing different clothes and her hair looked soft and shiny. I absently wondered what it would be like to run my fingers through it. Wondered if it was something I was allowed to do.

"Is that something you normally do? Watch me sleep? Bit creepy, that," I chuckled lightly, eyes tracking her as she came closer.

"You've done it to me," she shrugged.

It seemed she was past censoring her words, too tired to even comtemplate "protecting" me. Then again, she seemed the type to always be on alert, always mindful even when she was tired. I don't know how I knew that. Just did.

"Suppose I must've then," I agreed casually as she sank into the chair.

"Dunno how often. Usually awake before you, different time zones and all," she smiled, a fond sort of adoring quirk of pretty reddish lips.

I couldn't fathom the depth of understanding she had of me, or that I could sense I had of her. It was odd, watching someone I'd apparently interacted with for months in close quarters, and not remembering them, just innately knowing certain things.

"Not sure, never really my sort of thing unless I was," I paused, coughing a bit awkwardly, "er, dating someone that is."

Shy cocked an eyebrow and shook her head with that same small smile. I had the insane urge to kiss her, to chase that perfectly shaped mouth with my own. Like a reflex I'd come to known, something I'd done a lot more than once. But Perrie. Perrie? How did Shy fit into everything when Perrie was around? Surely I was trying to work it out with my ex?

"You should get some sleep before they release you. It'll be hell trying to get you out of here and back to the hotel," Shy suggested, ignoring my obvious timidity.

"Had a nightmare, don't much care for the idea of sleeping again. Been having a hard time lately even without the dreams," I confessed wearily, rubbing at my burning eyes.

She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, teeth digging into the soft skin, no doubt plumping it up even further.

"I could, um, if you don't mind-" Shy huffed frustratingly, stumbling over her words as she gestured between us.

"Come give us a cuddle then. We are best mates, yeah?" I asked.

I just needed to touch her again. Wanted her in my arms, my body aching with the need to just feel the way her body curved to mine. Wasn't even sure if I was crossing a line, but didn't care either way, to be honest. Couldn't satisfy the craving until she was as close to me as possible. Felt like my heart was trying to claw it's way out of my chest, battling it's way to hers to do the beating for both of us when her beautiful hazel eyes shone with a resigned sadness.

"Unless, you erm, unless your fiance would mind?" I inquired, catching the sight of a sparkling diamond ring in the middle of not one but two infinity symbols as they wrapped their way around her slender ring finger.

She let out a short bark of laughter before shaking her head vigorously, "No, no. Just, um, no I don't have a fiance."

I rolled my eyes, narrowing them in a mock glare until her frown twitched into something gentler.

It felt like my brain was kicked, and hard, the next second. A fleeting flash of a memory of that very ring, looking down at it as it sat nestled in a velvet box open on a glass counter. I must've been there when it was purchased, maybe even helped pick it out of all the others it was suspended over.

I shook my head, trying to shake the pain from it as I held out an arm as an invitation, scooting over a bit.

"Come on then," I prompted, looking expectantly at the beautiful girl chewing nervously on her lip before she nodded and clumsily climbed into bed with me.

As soon as my arm was around her she melted, body molding to mine as if it was the millionth time it's done so. I knew exactly which way to shift to accommodate the extra person and it was unnerving. We must've spent more time together than everyone else had let on. Even with the boys, it hadn't been so easy at first. Then again, this wasn't the first time we'd cuddled, that I knew for sure.

It didn't take long after that, not at all really, for me to fall asleep. It was almost as if I'd become accustomed to having another person sleeping that close to me. Maybe Perrie and I were closer than she'd told me. Maybe Shy was the one who was in bed with me at night, both of us lonely and more than up for a cuddle. The rest of the boys had each other, and I hadn't heard anything about a boyfriend from the small girl lying next to me.

It was just so easy. So very easy to curl up with Shy, to envelop her in my arms and pull her tight to my chest like a very warm teddy bear that breathed. I had to know her. I had to. I just couldn't remember. Couldn't and it hurt. Because I felt like I needed to.

Every time she looked at me she just looked so sad, like I was hurting her with every word that spilled from my mouth. I was hurting her because I didn't remember. It was kind of twisted though. Didn't she know I wanted to? That I tried? I tried so hard! What gives her the right to be upset that I don't recall anything about her? It wasn't like I chose this, chose this intense cocktail of confusion and pain and feeling like a complete and utter knob.

Which I was being because it was so bloody infuriating that I couldn't just remember. And I wanted to so bad. Wanted to figure out why I had this unexplainable feelings about Shy and all the weirdness between me and Perrie. I just wished someone would tell me what the fuck was going on.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to post another chapter since this is so close to being done! Hope you like both (:

Zayn's POV:

I couldn't sleep. It seemed impossible. I just wanted to sleep. Christ, I was so tired and my head hurt like a motherfuck. I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd been sharing the room with someone else.

The bed was freshly made, sheets smelling like laundry detergent but the bed was huge, like the room had been requested specifically for two people. It honestly could've been for me and any of the boys. None of us really had any boundaries as it was, especially if it was just a cuddle.

I scrolled through my texts, trying to figure out who would most likely be up still. I stopped when I saw Shy's name, saw how many texts we'd exchanged. Maybe she'd be up.

 

 

Shy's POV:

I was curled up in the tiniest ball I could manage, my torn and ragged blankie hugged closely to my chest. I hadn't needed it in a very long time, not since Zayn and I had been reunited months ago. But now I needed the comfort, the familiarity of the almost ruined fabric. I really needed a new one, had searched everywhere I could think of and spent countless hours online trying to find an exact replica only to come up empty handed.

Sighing, I rolled over, draping my blankie over my face. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out any and all images of my boyfriend, the one who didn't remember who I was, when my phone went off with a frantic buzz. Zayn's name flashed on the screen and I dove to answer it.

"Hey, hey," I breathed, heart pounding as I waited for him to say something.

"Hey, could you, um- I can't sleep," he finally sighed tiredly, voice thick with exhaustion.

"Me either," I admitted, sinking back into my pillows of the foreign room, missing the smell of Zayn surrounding me.

"You want to- were we- Did we share a room?" he asked.

It amazed me, how perceptive he was sometimes. I was used to being the only observant one, but being with Zayn... He was so attentive and caring. I missed him already and I was talking to him on the phone, literally next door to him.

"Yeah- Yeah, we do sometimes," I replied finally, breath sticking in my throat.

"Why'd you leave then?" he inquired, a chuckle escaping his perfect lips.

"Didn't want to confuse you any more than you already would be. Who knew you were Sherlock Holmes," I joked lamely.

We both knew it wasn't funny but it was the type of thing he always laughed at anyways, just like he was doing right then. The cute, fond one where his nose scrunched up and he flashed his pretty, white teeth.

"Will you come back please? I can't- I can't sleep without someone here. I don't know why, I just- I'm really tired," Zayn pleaded, voice breaking with a nearly hysterical edge.

"Yeah, I'm on my way, just give me a minute," I promised, carefully setting my blankie aside, sliding off the bed.

"Thank you," he murmured, hanging up as I pulled his Nirvana shirt over my head.

******

"Hey," Zayn grinned, opening the door.

He did look like crap. As much as an angel could anyways, dark purple bags under his eyes, face pale and almost sickly looking. I immediately wrapped my arms around his neck and he eagerly slumped into me, hands pressing into my back, pulling me inside as he shut the door.

"Thank you," he whispered into my skin, lips grazing over my bare shoulder.

"No problem. It's not like I can sleep without you either," I assured him.

He didn't even understand the depth of the sentence. I think that was the worst part of it. Anything I said to him; it was just words. He couldn't remember what they actually meant because he didn't even remember me.

But he didn't hesitate to tug me close, snuggling in, easily fitting our bodies together. I curved into him, hugging his head to my chest and running my fingers through his long hair, loving how the silky strands felt. It was amazing how much you could miss something so simple after just a few days.

"Feels good, like. Never let anyone play with my hair. Don't like it much. But don't mind when you do it," he giggled.

Oh my God, he was so tired. He only got like this when he was absolutely out of it. When he couldn't fall asleep and he just rambled about the most random things. He might as well have been high for all the laughing he did. I didn't mind, actually made sure I was more awake than he was just so I could listen.

"But you probably already know that, yeah? You already know so much about me and I know nothing about you. Drives me mad, really. Feel like I know you, but I can't fucking remember," Zayn growled, fisting his Nirvana shirt tightly on my stomach.

"It's fine, I remember enough for the both of us, and the doctor said that the amnesia won't be permanent. Then everything will make sense," I soothed him, softly stroking over his stubble covered cheek with my thumb.

He groaned and nodded, burying his face into my chest, trying to block everything out.

 

 

Zayn's POV:

"Turn on your stomach," Shy urged, waiting until I had twisted around to plaster her body to mine in a modified spooning position.

It felt amazing to feel her light weight grounding me, keeping me from floating away. Heat emanated from her small frame, and her heartbeat was steady against my ribs as her leg hooked over my hip.

I just felt safe encompassed by her body, reveling in the electric way each touch sent comfort and heat flooding through my veins. I breathed deeply, letting her settle me, drifting off to sleep.

******

I didn't know where we were. I just knew that it was a beautiful day, the sun shining brightly from outside the cover of shade provided by the big tree I was under with Shy.

And Shy. Fuck. I don't know how it happened but she was straddling me, laughing beautifully at something Louis was doing. But all I could see was her, watch the way her eyes danced with joy.

My hands rested lightly on her thighs, fingers digging in lightly every once in a while until she finally looked back at me. Her cheeks were flushed like I imagined they would be if I kissed her breath away or she was writhing underneath me in bed. All I could see was that bright smile, the one I could never get enough of, and I fought for her attention.

It didn't take much. Not really. But I should've waited, didn't think it through at all. Somehow forgot how she could be as devious as the rest of us. Because I knew that. I did right?

My fingers bit her hips, skimming over her warm skin, feeling the softness as my heart pounded in my chest. Shy just smirked, an inscrutable glint in her eye before she was leaning forward, lips hovering over mine as her hand weaved into my too long hair.

I whined in insistence as she tightened her grip, keeping our mouths just a breath away. All I wanted was to taste her, to lick into her perfect mouth until I wasn't allowed to anymore. Until we had to leave and head back to the venue of whatever city we were in.

Shy giggled, pecking my lips and pulling away far too soon. I growled, yanking her closer to me, bucking up. She shook her head, dipping down until her mouth was next to my ear, hot breath ghosting over my skin and sending a tingling shiver down my spine.

"Are you going to get hard for me, Zayn?" she whispered seductively, tongue flicking out over the hollow just below my ear.

I gulped, eyes darting around. There were people. Mostly other crew members but I would never live it down if I got a boner in front of them.

Shy rolled her hips down into mine, sucking a bruise into my jaw, teeth raking over the sensitive skin and making me hiss with pleasure.

"What would you do? Hmmm? What would you do if you got hard right here, right now, with everyone around to see you? Run?" She suggested teasingly, licking over the shell of my ear, tugging on the lobe as my eyes fluttered shut and I tried not to focus on how good she felt.

"Or would you stay? Come in your pants and let all of them see what we were doing?" Shy taunted with a light laugh.

Surely she felt what she did to me. I knew she did. She must have. I couldn't ignore her. Could get hard just from looking at her, probably, and now she was grinding in these fucking figure eights right on top of my dick.

"Are you gonna come for me, Zayn? Come in front of all our friends?" She murmured, free hand slipping down my chest, thumb rubbing over a nipple through my shirt.

"No," I denied huskily, voice already fucked out and on edge.

"Really? Gonna wait until we get onto the bus instead? Fuck me in one of the bunks?" She asked, errant hand covering my cock, finally adding more pressure.

I whimpered, unable to form sentences, much less coherent words when her fingers were fucking toying with my dick.

"Pin me down and make me come on your cock? Or would you be too desperate to wait? Fuck me into the wall where any of the boys could walk in," Shy prompted, trailing her tongue down the side of my neck, sucking faintly, just the agonizing tease of a love bite.

"Christ," I coughed out, just hanging on for dear life, torn between stopping her and just coming in my pants.

"Oi!" Niall shouted, making Shy's head whip around towards the sound and her hips to stutter to a stop.

I groaned in protest, burying my face in her neck in her defeat, nosing along the column of her throat until she finally kissed me. I eagerly sucked her tongue into my mouth, pulling her even closer, just wanting to have this moment.

******

I woke up completely tangled with Shy and my head throbbing. I couldn't tell if what I'd dreamt was a memory or not. Honestly, I was just so fucking confused.

My dick wasn't. My morning wood was exacerbated by my dream/memory/whatever the fuck that was and was digging into Shy's back. I sighed and nuzzled into her soft hair, tightening my arms around her middle, dragging her closer.

I wasn't willing to let go and get up just yet. I hadn't slept in what felt like years and now I was warm and comfy snuggled up with a pretty girl. I wasn't about to change that unless I had to.

So I stayed octopused around Shy and curled along her back until I was slipping into unconsciousness. Blissful, uncomplicated sleep.

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter ): ahhh! It's going to be over! But, not just yet (:

Zayn's POV:

It had been a week. An unbearably puzzling, enigmatic week with hidden meanings and sympathetic looks. Every night was spent with Shy as she whispered into my neck all of the things I'd forgotten over the past couple of months.

But every time I asked her about something about her, she would stiffen, tense in my arms like it was physically hurting her to hear those words slip out. I couldn't imagine why but eventually, I stopped asking her and started asking the boys.

Bits and pieces of who this girl was came together to form an incomplete picture, something blurry and just out of reach. I yearned for the information, craved to know the teasing yet sincere girl I cuddled with each night. It was as if I could never get enough, was earnestly consuming each new revelation with a ferocity I couldn't explain.

It was just need thrumming through me. Every brush of skin was a shock of lightning setting me aflame with an unexplainable force and something that I couldn't escape. I couldn't even bring myself to want to break free of the incredible vibrance that was Shy. I was just wrenched back to her when I tried to run away, yanked by some invisible force that wouldn't allow me to feel anything other than the searing pain of not being near.

But I had been spending a lot of time with Perrie; reacquainting myself with her shining blue eyes and the rosy tint of her cheeks when she laughed. We spent time out in the sun, laughing and teasing like we used to, pressed together and smudging kisses to cheeks.

It felt wrong and exhilarating all at once, like I was getting back to something familiar and great all at once. There was still something off, the way that her eyes shifted and the smile that slipped a bit before it brightened with an unusual uneasiness. I wrote it all off as a reaction to us not being together for a while. From what I'd been told it had been over nine months since we'd really interacted.

What was even more confusing were the disapproving looks that were tossed my way from my bandmates when they caught me cuddled close with my ex. And the soul crushing sadness that seemed to permeate my cloud of content when Shy caught sight of us was enough to have my heart clenching in my chest.

I didn't understand anything anymore. Was shocked when I'd walked in on Liam and Niall snogging heatedly on the sofa before I was told they'd been together for as long as we'd all known Shy. That it was actually her, not me, or Lou, or Harry, who had finally kicked some sense into Liam.

It was like they were all leaving me behind no matter how much they all tried to slow down and explain things I should know already. Most days it left me bloody frustrated and my head throbbing until Shy was there to run her fingers through my hair, murmuring softly.

******

It happened one day when we were laying together on the bus in my bunk, her soft body pressed to mine as we kipped before I was supposed to get back to rehearsal. Her head resting on my shoulder and fist clutching at my shirt, her leg thrown over my hips as her steady breaths slowly began evening out.

I was just watching the peaceful girl, fingertips lightly tracing over closed eyelids, the bow of her upper lip, curving over the slope of her startlingly perfect nose. She giggled groggily as the soft touch tickled across pale cheeks dotted with the cutest freckles.

"You confuse me Shylah Evans," I mumbled as if it were the biggest secret I possessed, unwilling to break the quiet, safe spell cast over the two of us and the oddly silent bus.

She laughed lowly in response, gazing up at me from underneath a thin fringe of delicate eyelashes as she nuzzled closer, tucking her head underneath my chin. My breath caught in my throat where her fingers gently lay in the hollow in the middle of my collarbones before they dropped to trace over my tattoos. Tattoos she seemed to already know by heart even through my knit jumper.

I had asked her about the tattoo I couldn't seem to remember, wondered when the stark black ink had been etched into my skin. She just shrugged and told me I'd only had it a few months. But I couldn't stop myself from contemplating the meaning behind it.

I pushed the thought away for the moment, concentrating on the truly adorable way Shy snuffled, squirming in my hold. Chuckling, I tipped her head back with a firm hand, thumb stroking over her defined jaw as she peered at me questioningly.

"Alright, love?" I asked, voice hardly more than a whisper as she graced me with a weak smile.

I nosed over her cheek playfully, lips dragging and stubble scratching along the soft skin until my mouth was gentling over hers. I could faintly hear the gasp, the shaky release of breath, before Shy's hesitant lips were fitting to mine and her fingers were pushing themselves in my hair.

It was an explosion like nothing I'd ever felt before, the overwhelming sense of home and love and passion crashing like the tide upon the shore. It was a stormy swirl of emotions that burned through me, body glowing from the way my heart drummed out a furious beat in my chest.

I couldn't breathe, couldn't even begin to think, as our mouths melded as seamlessly as we did every time we fell into each other. Was unable to catch any semblance of my sanity as my tongue pushed past her parted lips, delving into her depths, intent on exploring. Didn't expect the way that she opened to me, the way that we entwined, or the nip to my lower lip before her tongue was brushing over mine with an agonizing sweetness that sent a sharp tinge of arousal shooting down my spine.

I was drowning in her; drowning in her scent and her fervent kisses, the ones that bordered on hungry as our tongues curled around each other with a shocking ease.

But I was also floating, high on the hot press of her against me, of the way she seemed to know exactly what to do to make me moan. Wasn't anchored by anything but the need to bruise her soft lips with my own until they were puffy and swollen.

I couldn't shake the feeling that this had happened before, in the darkness of the bunk, bodies flush together as our mouths smeared words into skin. Tongues twisting together in a well versed dance, teeth scraping over sensitive skin, reddening lips and screaming of more than just friendship.

I was caught in a hurricane, was battered and beaten by the pure rush of elation swiftly overtaking me as Shy trembled underneath me, eagerly arching into my chest as my hands skimmed along her sides, settling on her hips. My thumbs dug into the hollows, lips trailing to her neck as we rolled together, completely in sync from the way our bodies rocked to the heated press of our mouths.

I almost let out a horrified cry when I heard the telltale thump of one or more of the boys stumbling onto the tour bus, laughing raucously. Instead huffing out a whimper of disappointment as I tore myself away from a dazed Shy, flopping onto my back with a heaving sigh.

She stared up at the low ceiling of the bunk blankly, ragged breath evening out before she finally turned her head to give me a regretful smile that I returned as I gathered her in my arms and willed that desperate ache for her to recede.

We didn't speak, didn't do anything but lay there in silence, allowing the sound of our family lull us to sleep.

******

It happened when I was in my room. We were on the end of the bed, laughing about something. I couldn't even remember what it was that had set us off. Honestly, anything could when we were together sometimes. All I knew was that her nose scrunched up and her lips stretched thin over perfect, white teeth, eyes sparkling. I just wanted to kiss her. I knew I shouldn't, but I was so confused and she was all I knew.

When the laughing died away but her eyes never left mine, it was just a natural reaction to the way that she bit her lip. Had happened so many times before it was just reflex to cup her cheek and press my lips to hers.

I couldn't help it. Just fell into her, stumbled into the familiarity without a fight and as I kissed her it felt wrong. Something was off. It didn't feel the way it used to. It was like she was a beat behind me, taking all the wrong cues and fumbling along, trying to catch up.

And then Shy walked in. She literally tripped as she came giggling into the room, the sound cutting off abruptly. I jolted backwards, practically flying away from Perrie like I'd been caught red handed doing something illicit, as I snapped my head towards Shy.

She just stood there, mouth parted slightly as if she wasn't sure she should be gaping or not. All I could see were her eyes though. The resigned look in them that echoed sadness before she closed her mouth, jaw tight, nodded once and left. Turned on her heel and just left, not saying a word.

I couldn't help but feel like I'd just done something terribly wrong. Wasn't able to stop the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach as I stared at the closed door while Perrie sat silently next to me.

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, last chapter! ): I'm so sad. It was like my baby and my baby is all grown up. I loved writing this, and I loved their love (:. I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed creating! Love you all!

Shylah's POV:

Every step that I took away from Zayn weighed me down. My limbs became heavy, as though laden with lead, my blood turning cold. He was everything to me, everything I could have ever dreamed, really. I loved him with every part of me. Each beat of my heart, each ragged breath that filled my lungs, all of me.

Tears streaked down my cheeks in rivers as I silently cried in the back of the bus, the one that Zayn **_wasn't_** on. Loving him wasn't supposed to hurt this much. It wasn't supposed to be like the rest of my life, the one filled with different kinds of pain and disappointment. No, loving Zayn was supposed to be the one thing that made it all worth it because his love outweighed the years of suffering I'd had to struggle through.

Each time something else went wrong I thought it couldn't get any worse, I thought that maybe it would be the last time my world was shattered. But no, this was by far the worst. Losing his love was what had finally broken me, the damaged girl who had never really bothered to hope for more than the misery that had been enfused into my life.

Zayn gave me a reason to look forward to waking up instead of dreading the morning. I used to go to bed as early as possible and sleep as late as I could just so I didn't have to face what was waiting for me when I was awake.

I was so numb, so paralyzed with the agony inflicted by his love that it made all the intense, life altering worries that I used to have disappear in a cloud of smoke. The wipsy strands of it still lingered, always had, but they were blown away by the pure, unwavering love that we shared.

It was my fault, I should have known that it was too good to be true, that no one but me could fall in love that fast. But as soon as that thought came, it went. He had loved me, maybe he just didn't anymore. Maybe, he just wasn't **_in_** love with me. Or maybe he just loved her more.

She was what he remembered, the only one he could. He didn't know a thing about me or everything we'd been through. It was wiped from his memory with no warning. Maybe that was the first sign that my happiness was only temporary.

Just because Zayn kissed me for the first time since he'd gotten amnesia didn't mean anything. Apparently he'd kiss any girl that came along. Maybe fans should've crowded around him and waited their turn.

I scoffed at the thought, pressing the heels of my palms into my closed eyes trying to block it all out. I didn't want to think anymore. I just wanted to disappear. I wanted to go home, to leave and never see Zayn or Perrie again.

The problem was that Zayn was my home. When I thought of that word all that came to mind was stupid Zayn and his stupid flat, in stupid London, in the stupid UK. It used to be California with the sun and the soft breeze and the condo I shared with my mom and brother. Now it was the boys and my- I guess-ex.

I just disappeared into an empty bunk. One that didn't smell like Zayn or one of his bandmates. One that was cold and crisp, bed made up with fresh sheets.

　

 

 

Zayn's POV:

"Hey, Z?" Liam asked, twitching open the curtain to my bunk.

I grunted, turning to face him with a grimace and an annoyed growl at the interruption of my confused sulking.

"Where's ShyLi?" he inquired, brow furrowed with worry.

I gazed up at him with uncertainty, chewing on my bottom lip as I tried to decide whether or not to tell him what happened. I couldn't wrap my brain around everything, still couldn't remember shit and it was driving me mad with frustration.

"I dunno," I finally replied truthfully, reluctantly sitting up a bit to talk to him properly.

He eyed me curiously with a critical scrutiny that rivaled my own mum's before he sank down onto Niall's bunk across from mine, curving his spine to fit.

"She's never been on the other bus without us, and there's nowhere else she could be," Liam deduced, quirking an eyebrow.

"I kissed her the other day. Was amazing, yeah? Like, proper mind blowing," I told him lips curling up at the corners as I remembered the way we fit so perfectly.

"Okaayyy," he drew the word out as if it didn't surprise him at all. Which was a subject we'd have to return to later.

"Shy walked in on me kissing Perrie today. It's just like. I'm so fucking confused man. I don't remember Shy but it was like we'd been snogging for years and the butterflies still hadn't stopped. When I kissed Pez everything about it felt off. It didn't feel like it used to," I confessed, raking my fingers through my hair.

"You're an idiot," Liam chuckled fondly, like he was torn between being tired and irritated.

"Yeah, I know. But I'm not sure what to do," I sighed falling back onto my pillows.

"You find Shy and you apologize because you just tore her heart out you fucking wanker," Louis butted in, glaring at me from the doorway leading to the bunks, arms crossed defensively over his chest.

Harry was looming behind him with a sympathetic expression, Niall peering over Lou's shoulder with a shocked, disapproving look.

"Lou," Liam said warningly, narrowing his eyes.

"No, Liam. I'm sick and tired of this shit. I get that it's not his fault, but honestly, he has a right to know," Louis insisted, turning to Harry for confirmation.

"Will someone tell what the fuck is going on?" I demanded.

Louis opened his mouth, ready to give me a piece of his mind, surely, before a large hand was clamping over it.

"No, she told us that she doesn't want him to know. I think that it's up to her to tell him," Harry refused, lightly kissing Louis's cheek in apology before dragging him away.

The rest of them disbanded leaving me alone in my bunk, more confused than ever.

******

It was just a few hours before the show when I saw the tattoo. The tattoo that made everything come flooding back in a violent wave of realization. **_Forever_**.

 

 

Shylah's POV:

Liam was murmuring apologies and reassurances in my ear as we all gathered in the dressing room. Zayn was nowhere to be seen, probably avoiding me. I wasn't sure. All I could think about was how to get back to California, which flight I could take and when so I could get there as soon as possible.

It was time to start getting my life back to the way it was before Zayn. Time to face reality and to let him be happy with Perrie. I didn't have any fight left in me. Not when all I wanted was to be happy. He was what made me happy, made me feel alive again after spending so long just muddling through. But I'd rather be miserable than make him that way.

I was giving him an out, and maybe I was running away, but it didn't mean that I had to keep running. I just needed time for myself to sort everything out. Then maybe I'd come back and try to support him, try to be there and watch him love her. Maybe I could be strong enough for it.

"Show time boys," Paul called, ushering all of us to the stage.

I didn't want to move, didn't want to watch how amazing Zayn was onstage. But Liam had me by the arm, tugging me along after them. I went along with it, trying to act as normal as possible, standing in my usual spot and plastering a fake smile on my face.

******

"Who isn't single?" Louis asked after reading the tweet onscreen.

Honestly, I didn't know why fans even bothered asking anymore. I wasn't sure why that was one of the tweets that showed up either. It only happened once in a while, not very often because it was one of those repetitive questions that bothered all of us.

I waited for the usual number of hands to go up, nearly fainted when Zayn's hand joined Louis's and Liam's. That was that then. He really was with her. It felt like a knife had lodged itself in my throat and it was so hard to swallow past as tears welled in my eyes.

Fans were screaming, wondering whether Zayn was back with Perrie and the boys just grinned, turning to Zayn for an explanation.

"Proper loved up, me," he beamed, throwing an arm around Liam and whispering in his ear as Louis cracked a joke about his girlfriend being imaginary.

"Nah, mate. She's the most real thing in my life, yeah? Couldn't survive without her, been there for me even when I was being a right twat," Zayn argued with a crooked smile eyes flicking uncertainly over each one of the boys.

"Must be right mad that one," Louis cackled, punching Zayn in the shoulder.

I fought back the sobs tearing at my throat, the aching in my chest as it tightened and the throbbing of my heart as it was crushed by his next words.

"Just really, really great actually," Zayn announced, eyes a molten brown when they landed on me, smoldering intensely with a hidden emotion.

I shot him a watery smile before I turned numbly, stiffly moving out of sight before I was finally able to breathe. I gasped for air, choked on it then gulped greedily once I had sprinted outside.

It was astonishing how just an hour ago you couldn't see anything but a huge mass of bodies closely pressed together but now there were only a few stragglers who hung about, hoping to get a glimpse of the boys. I avoided them, swiftly climbing onto the bus and heading straight for Zayn's bunk

The show would last two more hours. Enough time for me to get lost in his scent as I lay in his bunk, the curtain pulled and a pillow clutched to my chest. I breathed deeply, trying to memorize everything I could about Zayn, running over each memory I could from the time we met, savoring the happiness that clung to them. I was going to save them, save the most wonderful time of my life, then lock it all away so he could be happy without me interfering.

******

I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up it was to an inky black sky, stars shining brilliantly and the moon a milky white orb beaming through the heavily tinted window.

I could feel the bus moving underneath me and I groaned, burying my face in Zayn's pillow as I steeled myself for the inevitable moment that we would come face to face.

I rolled out of the bunk, feet connecting with the solid ground, before I shuffled into the back where I guessed the boys would be.

There wasn't anyone there. There was nothing there but a small box wrapped in shiny black paper, a white card resting on top as some sort of invitation. My heart stuck in my throat, beating wildly as I cautiously approached the inanimate object, a shaky hand out stretched.

Flipping open the card revealed my name written in Zayn's tiny scrawl. I cocked an eyebrow, trembling as I unwrapped the gift.

Inside was a brand new blankie, one that matched my own haggard one to the tee. My jaw dropped in awe as I handled the soft blanket with care, eyes scanning for any differences. But Zayn didn't know about my blankie, not this new Zayn who didn't remember the night in the elevator or watching me walk around his flat with a blanket hanging off my shoulder. No, this foreign Zayn didn't know any of that.

Unless.... Unless he was remembering.

I spun hastily, tripping over my feet as I stumbled into the hallway, intent on finding him. Maybe hope wasn't lost after all. If he remembered the pitiful conversations we'd had about trying to find a new blanket then surely he must've remembered some big things too, right?

I found him lounging on the couch in front, draped over it with graceful ease. He smiled softly when he saw me, blankie still balled up in my hands. I froze as our eyes met.

"Zayn," I breathed, staring at him imploringly, wordlessly pleading with him to explain.

"Loved you then, loved you still," was his reply as he sat up, eyes roaming over me with a familiarity that echoed all the other times he'd done the exact same thing.

My breath hitched as I nearly flung myself in his lap, landing heavily as I threw my arms around his neck.

"Always have, always will," I whispered urgently, peppering his face and neck with feather light kisses, hands running over the muscled body that I knew so well.

"Always, love. No matter what. I will always come back to you," Zayn promised, hands capturing my own to stop the nervous fluttering.

A hysterical sob tore it's way from my throat before I was smashing my lips to his, tugging out of his hold so I could tangle my fingers in his hair.

And he met each movement with one of his own, gripping my hips tightly, tongue shoving past my parted lips as we kissed with a fierce passion that nearly overwhelmed me. I sucked on his tongue with fervor, biting and sucking at his lips until the unbridled heat disspated and we were exchanging sweet, lingering kisses.

"I love you so fucking much," Zayn murmured into my mouth, breathing the words that filled my heart with unimaginable joy.

"I love you too," I grinned, nuzzling into him, bumping our noses and radiating pure adoration.

I unhooked the chain from around my neck, fumbling with the ring before I was sliding it onto Zayn's finger, back where it belonged, as he played with my own band, pressing the diamonds to his kiss swollen lips.

2 weeks, 3 days, and 12 hours it took for Zayn to remember, but that was nothing compared to the lifetime of happiness that was our future together. We finally had each other and nothing was going to stand in our way. Not an eating disorder, or anxiety, not even amnesia. No, somehow, someway we would make it. Because something happened that night in the elevator. Two people who may have never met, or spoken two words to each other, fell in love. It was fate and we were forever.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may be writing an alternate universe fic with Zayn and Shylah, so if you want to read that it'll be coming soon I hope!


End file.
